Doctor Who: the Continuity of One

Chapter 12

"There is a strange little man, wearing butler outfit from the Victorian era standing guard in front of the TARDIS," Jon reported.

"That is interesting," the Doctor said. "What color is his skin?"

"Orange, brown, a mix," Jon said. "Kind of looks like a potato head, no discernable neck sort of fellow. Kind of weird, if you don't mind my bias."

"Which is it, orange or brown, it's important," the Doctor said.

"I'll go with brown," Jon said.

"Ah! A Sontarin, that's odd," the Doctor said. "But, the plan is the same. Use the potion, and get the Sontarin infatuated with you enough to take you into the TARDIS."

"No," Jon said. "Not doing that."

"Jon, you are no match for Sontarin militarily," the Doctor said. "You must use the potion."

"I am not kissing a potato head man," Jon said.

"They're asexual," the Doctor said.

"No, doubt," Jon said. "Because I wouldn't engage that, even if I was one. Well, I suspect that's true. Maybe if I were one I would be compelled to like one, but then I know me, I would still want a human female. But since I'm not that and I am doing that, the world will never know."

"Get it done," the Doctor said.

"What if there is someone inside?" Jon asked.

"No one ever stays in the TARDIS," the Doctor said.

"Then why is there a Santana Guard in front of the TARDIS?" Jon asked.

"SonTARin," the Doctor corrected. "Probably because the Doctor wanted to give it a job to keep it occupied and out of the way. Go. Once you're in side, if you block the hole on the back of the next, it will go to sleep. Let me know when you think the area is secure."

Jon thought about it.

"We don't have time to think about it," the Doctor said.

"Fine! I am not happy. I am going in," Jon said. "I heard that, River! It's a metaphor!"

Jon walked casually up to the TARDIS.

"Step away from the blue box, Sir," the Sontaran said. "There is nothing to see here. Move along."

"You're a cute little a fellow, aren't you," Jon said, spraying himself.

"You, Sir, will come with me into the TARDIS, where you will disrobe and allow me to pleasure you," the Sontaran said, turning to open the box. It had to turn to its body to look back to see if the human was following him. It smiled. "I am overwhelmed by how suddenly compelling human male anatomy can be."

"I am curious about yours, my little potato head, friend," Jon said. "In a scientific sort of way, mind you."

"We are monogender, male only, and rarely engaged in this particular past time," the creature said, taking off its tie.

Jon came closer, turned it around, and put his hand over the hole on the back of the neck.

"Asphyxia can be quite pleasurable under the right condition," the Sontaran said, going to his knees. "Would you like me to strangle you, when I recover?"