Kae's Thoughts

Page 3: The Root of My Darkness.

(Kae's Interruption: There are mentions of sexual assault, and sad things all around in this page. This is my online diary and I wan to vent to the world, if it gets to much for you, you can always skip this chapter. Name's will be changed. Please proceed with caution.)

I was born December 19, 2001 to Denise and Jack Stewards. My mom, Denise, had me at age 21 while she was in college and my father, Jack, came from Trinidad and Tobago to pursue a work career. (Or so I assume) I was a miracle baby, I survived a Nuchal cord (an umbilical cord wrapped around my neck) and a Breach (being turned upside down) I could've died twice, but I pushed through. Shortly before I was born, my grandfather on my mom's side passed away. I've never met him. My dad stayed in my life (not for very long) in my infant years, i'm not too sure when he was deported. My father was deported on DUI's, an expired work Visa and other charges i'm sure. He wasn't a very good influence.

I've always been a shy kid, and I feel it stems from the point of only having one parent. Having two, would've promoted more outspoken ways. Preschool was great, it flew by and I graduated from there. Elementary school was where things got bad. In 2nd grade, a boy would sit behind me and touch me in inappropriate places, his name was Carlos and I was sexually assaulted many times. I'd move away, but he would always find his way back to where I was. I never spoke up and this was only between me and him, and now the world.

(Kae's Interruption: I am not looking to receive any sympathy, attention or clout off of this diary. I am just telling my story, as I feel it needs to be heard. Please proceed.)

After elementary school, I moved on to Middle. And 6th grade year, was the worst year if my life. I fell into a very bad depression, a cloud of sadness followed me everywhere. I put on a great show, I pretended to be confident and happy. In reality, I hated myself, my life, my family, everything. I just wanted it to end, that this led me to taking a handful of pills. However, nothing happened because I took the wrong ones. (They were Apple Cider Vinegar, I don't know why I thought they would work.) Even though it was one of the best years of my life, I first cut in 8th grade and was happy to find that it did nothing for me. I continued this depression cycle until 9th grade. Many of times I asked for help, and my mother shot me down each time. She would claim i'm just "being a teenager," she wasn't there for me.

10th grade year is when things got better for me. I vowed to myself to kick depression in the ass and to enjoy life. Life is short and you only have one chance, so live like its no tomorrow. I changed my attitude towards myself and my life. This was also the year I accepted who I was and what I wanted my mark to be on the world. I want to help young kids like me, feel loved, wanted, supported and taken care of. I'm still thinking of ways to do that, but I will find it soon, as I feel i'm getting really close.

People often assume I haven't been through anything, they assume I hate everyone and that's not the case. I love everybody, boy, girl, other, green, yellow, etc. I love getting to know people. I want to get to a place where I can tell my story for the world and this is my first step.

(Kae's Interruption: Thanks for reading my life story so far yall! It was a sad one and I debated for a long time whether to put this up or not, but you guys deserve it. If you've been through anything similar to this or are going through this, you're not alone. I love you and please message me at anytime to talk. Please proceed to the questions below.)

1.) How did you like this page?

2.) Do you guys want more about me?

3.) What can I do to improve my writing?

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