Across the Universe Found

Snapping on a Fool & Cleaning Up Nice

If this fool don't shut the hell up, I'm so gonna pimp-slap the hell out of his snobby ass!

Needless to to say, I was reaching my boiling point. The Commander, the Cat Men, and the assorted leftovers were just standing there, letting this jack-wagon talk this shiz about us like we didn't just spend weeks marinating in our own ever so lovely funk.  I finally felt that tight coiled up feeling in my chest that said it was time to lash out on this moron. 

I stepped out of the group and right into the idiots path, all up in his personal space bubble. He waved his arms comically in an attempt to halt his forward motion, while also trying to avoid avoid making contact with me in any way. His nostrils flared and his eyes watered at how bad I smelled up close. He looked like he was going to be sick. I was very amused. I stepped even closer, I don't think he got a whiff of my dragon breath just yet... I know, I'm evil. But he deserved it for being so callous. It was time to let him know his nasty little remarks had come back to bite him on the ass.

"Not so pompous now are you... You self important little punk? Did it not occur to you that we are perhaps as nasty and filthy as we are because we have been caged like animals for weeks with no means to clean ourselves? With no proper waste removal facilities? With no means to look after the mess of a visit from Aunt Flo? Huh?" My voice has gotten progressively louder and angrier as I list the reasons we are so odiferous. My mention of Aunt Flo illicit's a murmuring of "huh?" And "who is Aunt Flo?" And "why would she make a mess?", which causes me to groan in frustration as I literally facepalm myself.

I so did not want to have explain girlie issues to a bunch of alien macho men. But, it would further embarrass this asshat, so whatev's...

"Blood boys, lots of blood and mucus that lines a human female's uterus in preparation for conception. When that doesn't happen? It has to be shed. And when you are trapped in a cage with no proper hygiene products during said shedding? Let's just say it ain't pretty... and when there are this many females all dealing with the same problem? Yeah, none of us stayed fresh smelling for long". I huffed and crossed my arms while glaring at the punk-ass dude in front of me who's expression of dawning empathetic horror showed he finally 'got it'.

The Candy Girls had spent my entire rant tossing out encouraging words here and there. Saying things like "Get him Mother Hen!", "You tell that rude little bitch boy!"damn someone had an extra gulp of Haterade before they said that one!, "Like we enjoy smelling worse than a bucket of rotten eggs? As if!", "Put him in a cage to be assaulted and left to fester for weeks after, see how great he smells!", "He needs to just shut his yap and point us to the nearest shower, for realzies!"

This last remark reminds me that while I had a nifty little translator that had let me know exactly what his 'yap' had been saying, the girls were actually basing their remarks solely off my bitch-fest. But then, snob has a universal vocal tone it seems, and they had no problem keeping up. I angle my face their way and say "Y'all really need those translators, not that you missed anything with this ones blatherings, but still. You don't want to be left out of any chatter that might be relevant." They give their agreement pretty much in stereo, then turn to The Commander in unison. He looks mildly alarmed to have their combined attention.

"They need translators." I helpfully informed him, which has him relaxing a bit as he reaches into his leg pocket for the case holding them. Units now in place, I turn to snooty-pants medic-man and say "Showers? Clean clothes? Please and thank you?" His head draws back on his neck at my sudden change of tone and politeness. He blinks a bit stupidly at me for a moment, causing me to glance at the Commander with a raised brow, wordlessly questioning the medics competence.

One of the Cat Men solves our dilemma by brushing my arm with the pads of his fingers, causing me to shiver at the unexpected touch. He looks down at his hand, then back to my face that has blushed at my reaction to his contact. After exchanging a mysterious look with his fellow Cat Man, he gestures towards a small bank of frosted doors. "Those are cleansing suites, there are only three of them, but I believe they are capable of fitting three of your group in each one, so that you may all cleanse at the same time essentially." As he is explaining, the Candy Girls are already shower buddy'ing up. Which works fine by me, they decided on a three and two grouping. Leaving me with a 'suite' all to myself.