When I was little,
Something happened.
Something that I had kept hidden until I told my friends in middle school.
I remember the day,
We went out to the pasture.
One of my sisters, my great-grandpa and I.
My sister left us behind to go round up the animals,
And well, I got violated.
That would be the greater factor in my story.
I don't really know why it had to be me,
But It's better me then anyone else.
I would rather put myself through that then let any of my cousins or sisters go through it.
So now you know.
What has happened to me.
And why what Ashton said,
got that reaction from me.
I had to grow up at a young age,
I didn't really have a childhood,
He took that away from me.
I was afraid to let my heart feel,
And when I did I got hurt again.
I guess I don't have many good relationships with the opposite gender.
And the thing is,
Every summer I have to go see him.
But now, he lays in a nursing home, dieng.
Painfully slow.
Up until he was in bed rest,
He still tried to do things.
When I'm in my hometown,
My mother gets calls.
And she delays the message to me about how he wants to see me.
Last Summer I went to see him,
With that fake smile plastered on my face,
Arms crossed.
He looks at me and says,
That's not her.
Damn right it isn't me.
Or the me you remember.
Because that sweet little girl, died,
When you took away my state of mind.
And now,
The time is coming to see him again.
To lean in and hug him and take a picture.
To be in the same room.
It's routine now, almost.
He can't do anything now, I know .
But with Ashton popping back up and with having to see Him.
It's taking a toll.
I'm trying to bury my past,
Get these things off my chest.
From writing yesterday,
I actually woke up with less worry.
And I'm finally able to say Voldys name and talk about the greater factor.
If you read this, and you know me personally and talk to me.
Don't message me about my grandpa. I'd rather not go on that subject after this. Because all you need to know until I see you face to face is what I have written.
Thank you for reading, I'll write more, I'm not sure what about, but I'll write more.
Until next time~
