"Aunt Marie, Uncle Terry, can I stay for the night?"
"Hell, of course, Mia! You look like nightmare! What have you been up to?", the deep soothing voice replied me.
Third day of being kicked out from home.
No. That will never be my home anymore.
"Mom"
"Dad"
"Bro"
All these names in my recent phone logs. I never picked them up.
I know Michael would panic. I'm his only sibling afterall.
"1,2,3,.."
slowly, I how many times they actually looked for me.
Mom 40 missed calls
Dad 24. And Michael..
He.. He called me for 132 times.
Is he mad?
"Mia, would you tell us why are you running away?", a soft gentle voice directed to me.
"Auntie", I smirked a little, "I didn't runaway. They kicked me out. They no longer want me. They are ashamed of me. I saw this coming. I'm okay, couple days and I'll go back and hit the road again. You don't have to mind me. I'm just asking for shelter. That's all"
I thought I could say those sentences with all my guts and power showing them how much I actually don't care anymore, but I was wrong. Just right after I said, "they don't want me no more", a crazy flood of tears streamed down both my cheek.
Sobs turned into a louder cry and without me knowing, I'm already crying very hysterically in the arms of Aunt Marie.
"Auntie.. Auntie!", I'm trying hard to finish my sentence without gasping.
"Ugh, Auntie! Please don't hate me too. Please!"
"What's wrong, Mia? What's wrong?" , Aunt Marie's eyes starts pouring a little.
This is it. I thought to myself.
This is it, it's time.
With all my courage left in my weakened body, drenched in tears, I yelled out,
"I'm Gay!"
A complete silence.
I noticed Uncle Terry's terrified look. His eyes were filled with such disappointment, yet I know that look.
He's giving his sympathy look.
He walked closer to us- the two sobbing female- and opened his gigantic arm.
He leaned down to us, and softly, with his rock hard arms, he hugged me.
Home?
Am I home?
I know a phrase I heard from my teacher before,
"There's always an exit in every single thing. Sometimes, we need to choose to stay in or to walk pass the door. But worry not, every closest, safest, most important things in the world have exits too."
Is this my cue?
Is it time for me to exit whatever home I was in before?
Father, I need your help.
Take me to church.
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins, so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
