More or Less {A.C.M}

23) Guilty Conscience

“No.”

 

“Ugh, come on, Carter! You can’t do this!” I shout back, my voice taking on a newfound pleading tone.

 

“No.” He says tightly through clenched teeth as he walks away from me to the dresser, immediately digging through it.

 

“No? No? What the fuck?! You can’t stop me from going to rescue my own son! He’s my son!” I growl.

 

“To hell I can’t! Piper, you’re being unreasonably stupid! You’re pregnant! You’re fucking pregnant, and you’re trying to go out on a fucking kamikaze mission?! No! I’m not gonna let you kill my child because you’re fucking stubborn, and unreasonable!” He fires back, stunning me a little.

 

Carter’s never talked to me like this before. Not that I remember, and what hurts more is he’s right, but I refuse to stay here while everyone else goes to fight for my son. I have to right to accompany everyone on this mission, but it’s obvious Carter’s not budging.

 

Ever since the incident in training, Carter’s kept a very careful eye on me, refusing to let me out of his sight for more than two minutes without someone else he trusts watching over me. One part of me understands why he’s doing it, but the other part just wants it to stop. Wants him to give up, and let me do this.

 

I need to be able to do this. I need to be able to be the first one to see my son when we rescue him. And, as his mother, I feel I’m entitled to it. Of course, no one sees it that way when it’s basically a suicide mission. There’s no doubt that my father is planning on taking me down the first chance he’s got. And, once Dave finds out Carter and the crew have betrayed him by reuniting with me, he’ll have no hesitation in killing them too.

 

The twisted thing is; Everyone seems to be worried about my life, and safety within the compound, but I think I’m the only one concerned about theirs. I guess you could say that’s the good thing about being with The Crew. Once you get close to them you’re rest assured to always be cared for. But, it’s still a pain in the ass.

 

“Ugh! I hate you!” I yell, stomping off into the bathroom, not bothering to look at his reaction. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I instantly regret them, knowing I didn’t mean one word, but I’m just so angry, they slipped out before I could stop.

 

“What did you just say?” Carter bellows angrily.

 

I know he won’t intentionally hurt me, Carter knows how to control himself, and he could never intentionally hurt a woman in spite, but part of me still fears what he’ll do now that I’ve said it. I’m not afraid that he’ll physically hurt me. I couldn’t care less about that right now, but what truly worries me is the chances that he’ll leave.

 

I had that be so easily manipulated, and that I could let myself be so vulnerable, and fragile. This isn’t how this should be. I should be stronger than this. I should have confidence in my own words instead of cowering from them.