We Both Know Hearts Can Change

Forgiving people takes effort and I happen to be an emotionally lazy person

The day after, AJ and I went out for a walk. I didn't tell her about the accident, it didn't feel right. She would have felt even guiltier.

''I didn't mean to hurt you. '' She told me.

''I know. '' I smiled.

''Then why are you so cold? ''

''I can't help it. ''

''Right. '' She said, sadly.

''I just need time, April. '' I sighed.

''I hope so. I couldn't stand not to be friends with you anymore. ''

I was trying hard to forget about what she had done. In the meantime, I had been hanging around with the other divas, it kept me from thinking about the accident.

When I told Nikki about it, she had the best reaction ever.

''There's a glass of raisin wine with your name on at the bar. '' She smiled, but she couldn't keep her eyes from getting wet. I didn't expect her to be so sensitive. Just like I didn't expect I'd learn so much from all of them.

So there I was some weeks later. Chatting with those who I had always considered the worst bitches on the planet. They had definitely managed to change my mind. Natalya had such a huge experience, it was pretty hard to say something she didn't already know. Brie was explosive and always ready to train and try moves and submissions, I enjoyed discussing with her, as she was hardly speechless. Naomi was tough, but sweet after all.

We were walking around the mall, talking about our relationships, because we were all taken and it felt surreal, since what women do is mostly complaining about being single.

Brie and Bryan were perfection. They were the classical example of people who were simply made for each other. Nikki and John were complicated. I found Nattie and Tyson lame, but I wouldn't tell her of course. Those girls forgave my bad behavior and I totally forgot about theirs. I was too glad to be their friend to remember about it.

I asked Naomi about Jimmy.

''He's always been there for me and it took me a long time to realize it, mostly because he'd never make it weigh upon me. Jimmy is the best friend I could ever wish for. '' She smiled.

Funny. This is exactly what I would have said about Roman. I grinned, because of all the cuteness of her expression.

''You are making me sentimental. '' Naomi whined jokingly.

''Enough with married couple's stuff! '' Nikki said.

''Right, we want to know something about Ambrose! '' Brie continued.

I didn't have much to say.

''I like being with him. ''

''...and the sky is blue. Tell us something we don't know! '' She insisted.

''Uh... I don't know... I drink a lot and sleep for days, but he's with me most of the time! '' I said, in a sarcastic cheerful tone.

Nikki knew why things were that way between us, so she was the only one not to look at me like she was expecting me to say I was kidding.

''When things with John get bad, I usually buy lacy lingerie. '' Nikki shrugged trying to get the girls' attention away from me. ''It makes me feel fabulous. '' She added.

So we started a conversation about lingerie. Nikki was good at distracting people. She was also good at making me question everything about myself.

Were things with Dean bad enough to buy lacy lingerie? We would act like a couple on screen, but we would barely speak when the cameras were off. I felt really attached to him, I wasn't sure he did anymore.

What I was sure of, was that I would have done my best to keep being with him, because he kept me from going insane and I knew I meant something for him too.

''How was your day, honey? '' I asked him, while changing my clothes.

''Fine... ''

''Where did you go? ''

''I stayed here. ''

''I thought you were going out with the guys. ''

''I didn't feel like going out. ''

''Are you ill? ''

He sighed so I knew I couldn't pretend to be cool anymore.

''Dean, what's the problem? ''

''You. '' He said calmly.

''I-I'm doing my best to make things work. '' I mumbled trying to keep calm.

Dean was standing right in front of me, I couldn't see any emotion in his eyes. But I could still hear what he said.

''You are nothing but a sniveling whiny little girl. Will you start crying like a baby again? It's the only thing you are good at! '' He laughed.

I felt my face burning, my blood filling with fury, heartbeat after heartbeat.

Then I woke up in my hotel room in Washington. I was breathing heavily and my heart was beating fast.

Dean wasn't in bed.

I sighed and got up. I needed to get out of there. So I did and I walked around the hotel for a while. My phone started buzzing, I picked up Dean's call.

''You should stop disappearing. '' He giggled.

''I could say the same. ''

''Fair point. If it's not too much to ask, could you maybe come back? "

''I'll think about it. '' I joked.

After closing the call, I took a deep breath and got back to my room. Dean was already there. I hadn't looked at him for real in a while. He seemed tired.

''Hi. '' He greeted.

''Hi. '' I responded.

''So... it looks like we have a problem. ''

''What is it? '' I asked.

''You. ''

Not again! Not in real life!

''You are not yourself anymore. '' As I noticed the look on his face, I realized he didn't mean to hurt me, he was worried about me.

And I was an idiot for doubting his intentions, even for a second.

''You drink a lot more than you should, you sleep for most of the day and you don't even speak to me anymore. I wish I could help, but I don't know how... ''

He was already helping, but he didn't know it.

''I'm going to quit drinking for a while. '' I smiled.

''And I'm going to be ok, because you are with me... and I love you. '' I continued.

He grinned and hugged me like we hadn't seen each other for years, then he kissed me making me feel alive for the first time in those days.

''You are not going to be ok! '' He said loudly taking my face in his hands. ''You are going to be great and I love you more than anything! ''

We made love. Every single second of it was amazing. He was amazing. With him, I felt invincible.