We Both Know Hearts Can Change

I really didn't mean to overthink, but I did, obviously, as usual. Damn.

''What do you want? '' I said, trying to sound nasty. It was pretty easy since she was the one who'd told Dolph about the accident.

''Enough with this play, Brie told me what you'd been doing. ''

''Oh... ''

''Yeah, 'Oh'. What were you thinking? ''

''I... our friendship wasn't healthy and-- '' I made a pitiful attempt to explain.

''You think you are better than me and my friends, don't you? ''

I looked down.

''You made me feel like rubbish, only to prove yourself how high-minded you are. It doesn't make you any better than Eva Marie and it obviously doesn't make you any better than me. '' Nikki didn't sound mad, just very disappointed.

''You are right. I should have told you what I felt about the situation, instead of playing those stupid games. '' I shook my head in repentance.

''I agree. '' She replied. ''I guess we weren't meant to be friends, after all. ''

Nikki walked away, leaving me with a weird feeling of tiredness.

I went to Seth's room, he was taking a nap. I put my headphones on and soon I fell asleep.

The two weeks of suspension flew by and we reached our friends in Baltimore.

Dean would keep smiling at me, in a display of fake tranquility. Something was off about him.

''What's up with you? '' I asked, without sounding too inquisitive.

''Nothing, it's that... I've been missing you so much. '' I believed him, but he was still acting weird.

I dropped it, because I didn't want to act suspicious right after reuniting with him.

''I did too. '' I said, then I leant for a kiss, but he turned his head away.

''Dean, what's wrong? ''

''I can't do this to you...I want to break up. ''

''But...Dean, why? '' I panicked.

''I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on falling in love with her. '' He said, holding his head in his hands.

Even though I wasn't breathing properly, I gathered enough oxygen to ask ''With who?! ''

Dean gave me a sympathetic glance. ''With Nikki. ''

I was left speechless.

''Shannon... ''

''What? '' I whispered.

''Promise me you won't be with Roman. ''

''Are you out of your mind?! '' I couldn't believe he had the nerve to make demands.

''Please. '' Dean insisted.

''I'm not promising anything to you! ''

''Is it because you're pissed at me or because you're in love with the guy? ''

''You're a fucking psychopath! '' I cried, turning away.

''Admit it. Admit that you love him. '' Dean's voice was soothing, hypnotizingly so.

''It's true. '' I said, more to myself than to Dean. ''I love Roman. ''

''You do? '' I heard Roman's voice and instantly turned in its direction.

I opened my eyes to find myself laying on Seth's sofa. My cheeks were wet with tears.

Seth was on the bed, lazily scrolling through his phone.

''You might wanna know that you talk in your sleep. '' He casually said.

''Oh. Really? '' Shit.

''Yeah and you're pretty dramatic too. '' Seth's cunning smile let me know I was completely toast.

''What did I say? '' I failed to sound natural.

''You don't remember, uh? ''

''Nope. '' I lied.

''Oh, that's a pity... you know, I for one would remember dreaming about calling my boyfriend a 'fucking psychopath' and telling my best friend that I love him. I guess you and I are simply very different people. '' Seth sighed dramatically, as he laid on his back.

''You know you're a huge jerk, right? ''

He laughed, before replying in a more serious tone.

''Alright, I am morally obliged to say this, so please don't be mad. I have always thought you and Roman were made for each other and now I see that being apart is killing you... both of you. Roman is as happy when you're around, as he is miserable when you are not and, well... you're dreaming about him for fuck's sake. ''

''I admit it... I really miss him, but only as a friend. ''

''Try again. '' Seth turned to face me.

Why did I have to be such a bad liar?

''I am with Dean, Seth. What am I supposed to do? '' I whined.

''You are supposed to be true to your feelings, Shannon. That whole 'you only live once' crap is not total crap. Plus, I really don't get how in hell you two decided you wanted to be together. You guys couldn't stand each other and then one day bam, you went full dysfunctional-relationship mode. ''

''I guess it's because he was there for me through all that Dolph-related mess. '' I shrugged.

''Wait... you're not making any sense right now. I was there for you too and I'm obviously the hot one, so how could you not fall in love with me? '' He joked.

''Well, I'm sorry I didn't gift you with my heart and all the drama that comes with it. I really am. '' I replied, ironically. ''Seriously though, why are you so Team Roman? ''

''Look, I tried to give Team Dean a chance. At first I was pretty happy for you guys, as well as very confused, but now I'm just worried about you. He accepted the storyline without asking for your permission, he was going to start a fight with Roman only because he went shopping with you, his booty call is the cause of your suspension... do I have to keep going? ''

''Are you saying he doesn't deserve me? '' I asked in disbelief. ''Seth, I'm a total mess. I beat up a colleague on live television, gave up on a meaningful friendship because of some stupid superiority complex and kissed my best friend, right before having sex with my current boyfriend out of jealousy. ''

Seth shook his head. ''Dean's my brother, I'd take a bullet for him, but I need to know you're aware of the fact that he's completely unpredictable and not only in the fun kissing-in-the-rain, motorbike-renting way you seem to like so much. ''

''I am aware, I... I think he's worth it. ''

The conversation ended in a silent agreement to never start it again, but the damage had already been done.