Spillin the Tea☕️

cheater.

Life has been so difficult recently. Like, I've never been through so much drama in my life before. Basically what happened, is that I accidentally cheated on my boyfriend with my dealer, T. T is a really nice guy, and I only ever thought of him as a friend. He asked me out to this dance, and I obviously said no, that's actually when he found out I had a man, and he backed off. And we talked for like hours at night about cool ass stuff. Well, stuff that interested us both. Anyways, one day I left class to go to my locker, and T saw me leave so he followed me to my locker. When I got there, he then talked to me and we were there standing and talking for a couple of minutes. As I was talking though, he out of nowhere came and kissed me. It was so unexpected and it caught me off guard. It happened so fast yet the moments of him leaning in, and him kissing me felt like it was happening in slo-mo. I don't know how else to explain it tbh. Like, it happened too fast for me to pull away but it was slow enough for me to process what was happening. Ever since it happened I was feeling like shit, like a cheater, an unloyal person. Some people will think that I am. But that same night, I texted my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, and told him about it. He was so upset and I could tell how hurt he was. I expected him to be hurt, I mean who wouldn't be? He was just living in his 13 month relationship and all of a sudden hears that his girlfriend got kissed by her plug. He ended it right away, and I understood what he was going through. The next day, he called me and asked me to explain to him what happened, so I did. I explained it all to him and told him that I would never hurt him, I would never cheat, I'm as loyal as can be, and that the kiss meant nothing. He said he respects me for telling him about it, cause I could've easily not said shit. The only thing stopping him from coming back is the fact that I didn't push him away. I didn't doge the kiss, I just let it happen. It's one of those things though, where you won't understand unless you experience it for yourself. So I don't expect him to understand what I'm saying, or to even believe me. To him, the thought of me only brings me kissing another guy, when it should be all the memories we share together, are all the reasons why he loves(or loved idk) me. Moving back to T though, idk why I haven't been able to cut him off. Like he knew what he was doing was wrong and there's no good explanation for him to give on why he did put a taken girl like me in a position like that. I can't seem to stop talking to him though. If anything, I feel like things between us have been getting intense. Like we message very often and we talk on the phone so often. It's gonna be hard to part from him if my ex ever wants me back. But, should I even get back with my ex? Like everyone's expecting me to be loyal to him, even though we broke up, and they want me to not talk to T, even though I'm single now...it all doesn't really make sense to me. T is great tbh, I mean he's kind of a bad influence, but that doesn't stop me from being friends with him, if anything maybe more?