love, jet

Falling In Love

Do you know what's scary?

Falling in love with somebody.

It's scary to the point that you will give your heart which means giving them an opportunity to crush and tear it apart leaving you in excruciating pain to handle alone. It is scary because you know yourself that you put their needs first, their feelings, their emotions over yours. It is scary because you know you're willing to climb the highest mountain, swim the dangerous seas, walk through the deserts and catch a falling meteorite, if that's possible, just to make them happy. In short, you'll do the impossible for them.

And they don't have any idea that you would do the extremes just... just for them... for them to be happy...

I mean, no, scratch scary, it's terrifying. It's freaking terrifying because you don't know if they felt the same way. Terrifying because, yeah, maybe they feel the same way, but will it be the same after 1 year? 2 years? How about years later? Terrifying because of how they easily change their mind like from,

"I love you,"

"You make me happy,"

"I want to be with you forever,"

"I can't live without you"

down to

"We're better off as friends,"

"I don't want this anymore,"

"I don't love you the same way I loved you in the past"

Terrifying because you don't know what to do once they're gone for you have been used being with them for a long time, including them in your future plans, and just doing basically for them. Even choosing them over friendship because that's how you desperately want to be near with them as much as possible. And when you're all alone dealing with a broken heart, all you could ever think about is the ghost of their touch, the warmth every time you hold their hand, and when you wrapped them in your arms. The melody of their voice when they utter your name or the way they whisper it as they come down from their highest peak. How their heartbeat feels like home when you lay your head on their chest, how they calm your demons with a simple act of combing their fingers through your hair.

That's how terrifying it is to fall in love.

And so fucking terrifying because I don't know how to deal with you knowing all you feel for me is simply as being friends while I'm here writing this thinking of no one but you and spilling my tears on my pillow because that's all I do these past few days. I feel so pathetic right now and I know I have to think about my future without you in it now like what you're doing.