How To Train Your Boyfriend

Chapter 8: Beatle and the Butt

Beatle and the Butt

Theo's show was entitled "Kryptonite and Kermit the Frog" so it was safe to say I had no idea what the fuck it was about.

"It's obviously about Kermit kicking Superman's ass," James said.

We were standing at the back of the room, waiting patiently for the show to begin. The performance took place in a room attached to a local bar. It was dimly lit and, at first glance, kind of sketchy. Small round tables were packed with people, almost all of them with a beer in hand. The stage was small and only a few feet off the ground, and the only lighting options were on or off. It was way, way, off Broadway, but something that Theo was passionate about.

"Who do you have your money on?" I asked. "Kermit or Superman?"

James didn't hesitate. "Kermit. One hundred percent. Every time. You?"

"Superman," I replied. James scoffed, opening his mouth to spit something back, until I held up my hand. "Let me finish, asshole. Superman wins, but Miss Piggy finds out and is so enraged that she flattens Superman like a pancake."

This took James by surprise, and he threw his head back and laughed. "You're completely right."

Instead of going home and changing before the show, Theo, James, and I had decided to get an early dinner. Theo already had his costume at the venue, but that left James and I in our school uniforms. I felt a little uncomfortable standing among all of those people in my plaid skirt and button down, but James looked right at home. He removed his blazer (honestly, was it ever on?) and was left in his tie and button down. He leaned against the wall, hands in pockets, in such a casual way that I was momentarily jealous of his effortless confidence.

"Stop checking me out," James said, grinning down at me.

I rolled my eyes. James and I were well on our way to not just being friends, but being good friends. Which, I figured, was good news for me and Mia. I had, give or take, two and a half weeks to whip him into shape and being on his good side was the ultimate way to do it. I'd already got him thinking about what Mia meant to him, now I just had to teach him some basic boyfriend skills. This, however, was not an easy task.

"How was the tea party," James asked.

"It wasn't a tea party," I replied, moving slightly so a couple could slide past me. "It was so much more than that."

"I heard the Khan's can get a little party crazy."

I nodded. "No kidding. I'm not even sure if there was tea there."

The lights dim and a few people clap, anticipating the show, but it turns out to be a false alarm and they come back on. From our position at the back of the room, I could see everyone else in the audience. I scanned the crowd, noticing that most people were there in pairs, with the exception of a handful of people. It occurred to me that James and I could appear to be, at least to a stranger, a couple. We were standing together, laughing and talking, at the back of a dimly lit room, after all.

With this in mind I leaned away from him, careful not to get too close and give the wrong idea. I was glancing around the crowd one last time when someone caught my eye. Sitting on the opposite side of the room was a boy, maybe my age or older, with a small group of people. His friends were laughing, smiling in his direction and encouraging him to join the conversation, but he payed them no attention, as his eyes were locked on me. I looked away, aware that I had been staring.

"Speaking of checking out," James said. "Beatle over there is staring you down."

I faced James, turning my entire body so that I resist the urge to look back. "What did you just call him?"