Greetings, H.T. | Larry Stylinson

• desperation •

I sobbed on, not able to process any words out of my burning throat. I was done, all done, no way of solace able to get rid or diminish my saddening, no way to get me happy.

Without him.

Niall had left me alone, way earlier, he couldn't help me to stop. He couldn't let me heal, not even within the time that was ticking away, slowly, very slowly, every second echooing through the room and hitting the inside of my ear as if it was a bomb,

tick, tack, tick, tack.

And the more ticks, the more tacks, the more my loss of track got to me.

Track on life, track on anything.

I bit back my desperation, taking the inside of my cheeks between my teeth and putting as much force on it as possible, shaping little wounds all over the place.

My legs started trembling, causing the rest of my body to shake along, the bitter taste of blood dripping onto my tongue. Iron, it was, the deep force of iron forcing itself through my throat -- I followed it down, into my guts, using just that to distract me; even though I'd already predicted it wouldn't be enough.

Then, I stood up abruptly, walking to the kitchen of my lonely 'home', the one I shared with him up until weeks ago. Some of his stuff, the one he didn't het the tendence to to pick up, were still scattered. Some in boxes, some not. Even his smell never left, and that might be the biggest burden. Biggest of them all.

When I reached out, my ring was shining, faintly glimmering in the weak light that the morningsun gave -- surreal, still, anything could be done now. Careless, I was, really, so so careless.

And, at that, I didn't care in return. Anything, anything would be fine.

So, I opened the second drawer to the right, taking out one of the bigger knifes and holding it firmly, almost crushing the handle amid. My eyes roamed around the room, spotting my keys and after immediately grabbing them, I went on. Mind off, thoughts off, just me in this exact moment.

Fuck it all.

I closed almost all doors in and around the house, then, tucked the keys in my pocket after as I turned around towards the basement door, the only one I left open.

Here was to a better place, here was to heaven.