across the universe. | chensung

dream in a dream | chapter 9

Chenle hasn't felt such an overwhelming amount of emotion in a long time. It was as if all his compressed feelings, his tears and his emotional turmoils, have been released at once and for all.

The unstoppable stream of tears dropped from his eyes and rolled down his face, as the question rung like a chiming bell in his head.

Who are you?

A sudden strike of pain attacked his brain. Without second thought, he brought his right hand up to cover his forehead.

What is your name?

The pain coming from his brain was increasing, as the world he knew began to shatter and fall apart in his mind. His body curled up, fingers digging into the palm of his hands so hard as if they were about to cut through his skin.

What am I without you?

Sounds, words, languages he couldn't process slipped into his ears, wrapped around his head and echoed as if his mind was an empty hallway. Eyebrows furrowed, he brought his hands to cover his ears, trying to block the noises out of his brain.

What is the point of living without you?

The question battered his thoughts as the pain alarmingly grew more and more intense, his eyes squeezed shut as darkness spread upon his back, seeping into his body through every inch of skin. He was pushed to the edge of breaking, the urge to combust and disappear into thin air pounded like a hammer on his heart, not giving him any chance to breathe.

Who were you to me?

It was as if the world abruptly fell silent at that moment. No thoughts, no feelings, nothing could process through Chenle's brain except for the emptiness and tranquility that engulfed him. All his energy had been drained out of his body, his tight muscles relaxed as he fell back onto the rumpled, achromatic sheets. The sun shone in his face and covered his body in the glorious haze of warm sunlight; but he couldn't feel anything but the trails of tears drying on his pale skin.

The skies were blue outside the window and the winter weather has never been so beautiful on a day like this. Inside the small hospital room, there laid a boy on top of a lonely bed, who was waiting for the final ending of his short story to come to him one day.

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Chenle was now, in his words, an empty birdcage in which the bird has been set free, serving no more purpose without the living pulse inside of him. He said,

"Nothing really matters anymore. To live or not to live, it is the same to me."

He wishes to fall asleep one night and never have to wake up again.

Time went on, life continued as Chenle lived, the tiny marks on his arms growing in quantity and the sudden attacks being not so much sudden anymore. He has to be used to this, as this was what he will go through for the rest of his days, an unknown number that no one could predict for him. Everything happened felt like his past life, a life that he lived like a dream, a life that went by so quickly, he had nothing left to hold onto.

The voices of different doctors, different nurses stirred and mixed together in his head as they talked, while he stared straight ahead into space, thoughtless. Without any memories, emotions or feelings he could control, Chenle was now basically a living shell, empty and worthless.

Sometimes he would look at the window to find his own reflection staring back at him, blank and lifeless, reminding, and only reminding him of who he is.

"Who I am is not important anymore, just as why I live is not important too."

These were the last words he wrote on a piece of paper, which he left on the bedside table one day, bed empty and medical devices detached, leaving only a cruel ray of sunshine lying on the rumpled sheets.

Chenle ran away.

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Yes I'm finally back pls don't kill me for doing this ;-;