Doggy Style

Less Anti-Italian

Russel's POV

"Fuckin' yikes, my guy!" I grimaced at the picture, which was of a corpse that had been ripped to pieces. "Someone got shredded in the literal sense."

Antony hmphed and stood up straight. "Looks to me like he probably wandered onto vampire territory. Those fuckers covet their land like it's gold."

My eyes widened in response to his comment. "Vampires?! As in, like, Edward Cullen, and shit like that?"

Antony scoffed and smacked me upside the head. "No, you fucking dunce. The lore in that shit series is completely off. Think Dracula, but less anti-italian."

I glanced back at the computer, somehow more confused than I was before. "So, what are they really like?" I asked in attempt to get him to clarify.

Antony hummed and scratched at his beard for a moment. "Uhh, they do have enhanced strength and speed, but it's not quite as dramatic as it is in Twilight. They don't sparkle, that's for fuckin' sure, and they aren't actually unable to go into sunlight. That's just propaganda spread by the hunters in an attempt to make people see them as night-dwelling monsters. They are, however, photosensitive. Usually if a vampire goes out during the day they'll wear sunglasses, or hats, or maybe even veils."

I nodded, pretending to understand anything about what was going on. "They seem like assholes." I replied, tapping my index finger against the screen.

"Mm, not all of them are. The leader of the brood in north america is actually a pretty decent guy, if a bit flamingly homosexual and dramatic." Antony replied before closing the laptop screen.

"Oh," I fell back onto the couch, "that's nice."

We sat in silence for a couple of moments until Jose stood up and and clapped. "Okay, depression time is over! I'm getting hungry, so we need to make food plans, pronto."

"Uh," I clicked my tongue a couple of times as I walked into the kitchen and began to rummage through all of the drawers, "I have takeout menus somewhere around here." After digging through a drawers full of measuring cups and bread clips, I finally found the menus. "Let's see here...we got chinese, mexican, italian, greek-"

"Greek?!" Jose shouted. "Fuckin' ew!"

"Hey, Greek food is good!" Antony frowned at Jose as though he had been personally insulted.

Jose cringed and shook his head. "Babe, I love you, but the only good things that come out of Greece are the men, and even that's a little bit iffy."

Antony scoffed and shook his head as well. "Just order whatever the fuck looks good."