PTSD- Hold on Jack (septiplier) ~ DISCONTINUED ~

It's my fault!

(Wrote this a bit ago.. Forgot to publish it..)

If you're on the outside for a long time and you look at the mentally ill, you think,

"those people are creepy, they can't even tell what's right and wrong anymore, they look like zombies, gross!"

And it's true. We can't tell what's right from wrong anymore. You lose the privilege of having freedom and a sense of mind.

You don't make decisions or choices, the ward staff do.

Over time you lose the memories of what you once were.

You lose everything.

Including a conscious mind.

If anybody that got put in a psychiatric hospital could speak like they used to again, the stories they'd tell would haunt you forever.

Not many of them have a brain anymore, they don't have a past, or present, or a future.. They are just simply existing.

All the drugs, the screams at night, wether they be in your head or physically real.

Your senses going out like a light one by one.

No sense of smell, all you can recall is the scent of chemical cleaners.

No sense of taste, you can't get that vile taste of vomit out of your mouth.

Really, you lose everything once you get admitted to places like this.

I'm slowly losing my mind, I can feel it..

Aris sees it..

I'm losing all my memories, it's like pieces of a puzzle all in the wrong places, but I can't put them back together in order.

If this is called helping, I hope nobody ever asks for help again.. You'll be better off.

I want to talk to Aris..

But I can't.. He got locked in the isolation room..

It's my fault..

I had a melt down yesterday and he was only trying to help..

Physical contact is a big rule here. No touching allowed.

We got away with the semi hand holding when it was freedom walk day..

But we weren't so lucky this time..

He tried to hug me to calm me down..

Staff seen it, pushed him onto the floor 'securing' him. Then took him away to what I assume would be the isolation room..

It's my fault..

He tried to help.. But I got him in trouble..

It's all my fault now he's probably hurt and it's because of me!

This is what happens if people get too close to me!

It's my fault. I got him in that mess.

Me me me me me me me me
me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me ME!!