Growing Pains

Pain

I was practicing our Black suit choreography when I suddenly felt dizzy, I continued dancing when my legs become weaker and I fell down. I felt a pang in my chest and I clenched my shirt, an action to try to stop the pain in my heart, it was getting harder to breathe.

"HYUKJAE!" Donghae immediately rushed to my side, but it just makes things worst. I was suddenly coughing roughly, I felt something come up but I swallowed it down, there were black spots appearing and I felt something growing in my lungs and then I lost consciousness.

I woke up in a hospital bed, I scrunched my eyes at the bright light that was sipping through my closed eyelids, There was an IV attached to my arm and then I heard his voice. "Hyukie? You awake?" I jolted from my bed because I felt an enormous amount of pain, The bed rattled because of my sudden movement. I saw Donghae rushed to go outside and call for a nurse. All I could think of is pain and how it freaking hurt. It hurts so much, this was much more painful than a panic attack. My heart, it felt like someone was crushing it.

I didn't notice the nurse approaching me.

"Sir? Can you hear me?" She asked softly like a Mother asking a crying child since I couldn't trust my voice I just nodded.

"Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?" she asked again and I shake my head. The only thing that is functioning right now is my ears. I got exhausted and I couldn't hear anything anymore, The only thing I could hear was buzzing. Then I lost consciousness for the second time and hopefully the last.

The second time I opened my eyes, there was an oxygen mask (is this a thing?) attached to my face. What's happening to me? How are they? (suju members) How long was I unconscious? I have a lot of questions popping up in my head and because of that, I have a headache.

"Eunhyuk can you see me?" Someone asked, I turned my head to the voice and it was Yesung. I nodded my head as a confirmation that I could see him.

He rushed to my side and was brushing my hair with his hands, it was comforting. I removed my mask, "Hyung, how long was I out?" I asked, my voice hurting and came out hoarsely." You've been out for three days" he answered.

"Wow it was only three days and you made it sound like I was out for a century" I joked and chuckled, He was glaring at me and I just laughed at him. I never get tired of teasing hyung.

"Did the Doctor tell you what's happening with me?" I asked, He looked at me intensely and I slowly covered my face with the blanket.

"Nope,  he said you should hear about it first." He answered I removed the blanket that was covering my face and just stared at him. He sighed and went out telling me he'll call my doctor.

While I was alone, I was getting anxious. Do I have cancer? Or a tumor? Or...something much worst? I was the scared cause, what if my condition was that bad to the point that I was dying? I haven't told Donghae about what I feel about him.

When I thought about Donghae, I felt another itchy sensation in my throat and I began coughing roughly and I was shocked that a petal came out from my mouth it was a... yellow carnation. I know what it means, Leeteuk told me before as a random fact it means 'Disappointment and Rejection'. I'm confused why did I coughed petals? I was thinking so much that I didn't notice someone, enter the room.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Lee Hyukjae," He told me with a serious tone, I was getting nervous and I think he sensed it and smiled warmly at me or is it sympathy?

" I'll tell you straight to point you have Hanahaki disease" he paused and looked at me to see my reaction and my face reflects confusion, so he continued what he was saying. "Hanahaki disease is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. Also, romantic love is what is needed, a strong friendship isn't enough." He explained, I looked at him dumbfounded. I couldn't process what he just said. So I let it process for a moment.

Hanahaki Disease.

One sided love.

Feelings returned or...

Death?

Romantic love.

It means I'm dying because I'm in love?

It means that Donghae... doesn't love me back?

With that in thought, I was coughing petals again, my bed is covered with yellow carnations.

The Doctor looks at me sympathetically and I looked away, if I continue like this I'll die but If I get it removed I wouldn't feel... I couldn't continue what I was thinking and I felt warm tears flow on my cheeks. Sobs were shaking my already weak frame. The doctor excused himself and went out. I swipe my hand across the petals that came out from my mouth and let it all fall on the floor.

Maybe I'll try confessing to him? But I already know the outcome so what's the point of it anyway? It wouldn't hurt to try? I guess. Who am I kidding I'm dying here and I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt?

Should I just get surgery? With that, I could still live and be with the members and fans. But I wouldn't feel love towards him anymore.

Would it be worth it?

To die or To not feel love?

To Let the pain grow? Or to Let the love go?

With all these things happening my brain starts to ache again, so I decided to shut my eyes and sleep. Hoping there would be an answer to my questions tomorrow.

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I hope you like it! ^_^

That's all Ciao~