My best dream I had ever

chapter 2

after going though hell with my family and being with destiny I just new that I want date a guy and that I just need someone I just care more about have someone who text me want have something to do with me and that I just could take it when I had know one that talk to me or would think of me and I want someone to love me and I want hang out with someone hang with like my sister had but when I had the change I would think about how it make me feel so good about my self and I never want that feeling to leave but when I had move to where I am at now I try get that feeling back but here but it not easy then was back where I was but I just happy that I was around my father when at the time we were get along and I did want anything to do with him and that I just new that he would want me to be happy and I did get why he want the rest of my siblings to be happy but me all the time and he let my sisters have the feed dam but just not me never me but now I can and I feel good about it but i just also don't need to change and that i nose that about my self and that what is with me is that i can not take life when i was going though the duff time in my life and what was suck more was that i was on my own i did have anyone to go though it with me and ever stuff time happen i want to cry and give up and that when i just like can i just get all this fucking over with that what i would tell my self all the time and that now think about it now then when i was going though it all and that i just new that i would have taken it at all i hate all the hell that my father had put on me and that his way was that if i have to go though hell  then you are going though it with me then i want you to feel the way i feel and that only because he would let him self be happy and that he just would take the time to even think about any of us girls and that it was only use girls and that i just know that he would want be happy and i hate it when my father would dress me and my sisters as a tomboy and that make him happy that he though there be guys that would like use if he dress use that way when it did that it did happen and that we just know that it make me happy and laught when it did work and that it piss him off and that thing were start to change and that he let use dress like a girl and that i know that when he would just hate and think it was funny if that we got a boyfriend and that i just start at it when he would ask me that all the time and i got made at him one point or another and i keep tell him if you keep ask that or quseing me to do  that then i will do it and it will be on you for run your mouth because then it means that your ok with me have one and that you want me to have one so and after that i guess it make him think that and the next day he stop it and that it make my day that i got him to shut the hell up about boys and that when i did get one it put joy in my heart and life when i never told him that i had a boyfriend the hole time and that it was under his nose and that i came out with ever thing when i left and i move in with my mom and my sister and her husband and that i was taken in and it was nice that they let me come in that with my another sister she gave me a talk but it was her yell at me abut are mom and a letter say i say some harsh things to her when i did and that she got when really it was my stupid father make his own letter and that i just like what you talk about and i ask her if i could see it and i read it that when i had figure out what the hell it was me and i told her that it was my father the hole time and that what explain to me why he did want me in grandmas room when he was on the computer and that i just know that it make me so made and that i taken the talk about sister did because i just take it was a mess that my father made and i hate the man for that and then her talk help me and that i just taken it in time  and it make me think change my self and be come a different person and that i have been work on it and that i am almost done and that and school and i can not wait on get a good life for my self and that keep it going and that i want to be and that i try lose the wait and i still work on it and that i just know that i want keep it and that dont get what with my body sit hold it and lose it at a time i guess because of how old i am now and it nice but now it sucks but i just got live with it