Damaged

Sorry

They hadn't talked since the walk.

The weird thing was that even though they had never really talked before, the silence between them was unbearable for Bucky. It felt as if he had talked to her a lifetime ago, even though it was just 2 days ago.

How is it possible to miss someone you barely know? Well obviously Bucky knew her, he loved her. But he missed her as if they usually spend every waking moment together. He missed her as if they talked all the time. And, they did none of those things so Bucky had no clue why he missed her. He didn't know where all of his feelings were coming from. The love, the longing, the neediness.

But the one thing that truly bothered him was why did he ask her that question? Every time he thought to that moment, he couldn't figure out why he did it. Was it a defense mechanism? Could his heart tell she was getting too close? Was it a reflex? He didn't know.

All he knew was that he was good at pushing away those he loved. Steve. Wanda. The two people who wanted to help him, even if it meant hurting themselves. But, he couldn't place his burden on them. It was too much.

Nevertheless he needed to talk to Wanda. To apologize. But, the problem was, he was never one for apologizing. It wasn't even in his nature to care. But this was Wanda Maximoff. The woman that lost her whole world, yet put on a brave face to hide her pain. The woman that offered to help him, to see him at his worst and not run away. The woman who only saw the best in him even though she barely knew him.

He needed to apologize.

But how? Just walk up to her and say sorry? Then walk away? No. He needed her to know that he meant it. That he cared about her feelings. That he loved her, more than she could ever know, more than he thought he was capable of.

So for the next 3 days, he thought about it. How to say sorry. How to make it seem like he meant it. Every time he thought he was ready to face her, he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. So, he would quietly slink back to his corner and continue to stare at the wall, thoughts rushing in and out of his mind.

He was a coward. He was a coward who couldn't face the one thing that he loved in this world. The one thing that provided him with happiness. The one thing that could take his pain away.

Why was this so difficult?

Just when he was about to give up, Steve walked in on the 4th day.

"Hey, Buck. I haven't seen you in a couple days. You ok?"

Bucky looked up at Steve. His best friend who stood by his side at his worst. The man who defended him when everyone else was against him. So, Bucky decided to ask him.

"How do you say sorry?"

Steve looked surprised. Actually, startled seemed more like it. He could see the disbelief on his face. Had it been that long since he said sorry to someone? Since he cared?

Bucky could see Steve trying to find his words. And, after an agonizing 5 seconds, Steve finally answered.

"There's no right way to say sorry Buck. You gotta just say it from your heart and show the other person that you truly mean it. There's no formula, no algorithm. Just words coming from your heart."

Bucky could tell that Steve wanted to ask him who he was apologizing to once he finished talking. But, he didn't and Bucky was grateful for that.

"Thanks, Steve"

"No problem, Buck"

Then, with a smile, Steve was gone as fast as he came and Bucky was once again alone with his thoughts. But, talking to Steve seemed to be just what he needed because Bucky finally felt ready. Ready to say sorry. Ready to show Wanda that he cared. All he had to do was speak from the heart, or whatever that's left of it.

That day, he walked out of his room for the first time in 4 days and turned the corner.

Suddenly, with a crash, he felt himself fall on top of someone. A petite body, wedged in between him and the ground  was beating with his heart. When Bucky looked down, he was staring right into the eyes of Wanda Maximoff.

His heart stopped.

Then, two words came out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"I'm sorry"