Damaged

Mom

He felt her arms engulf him, something he hadn't felt in a long time. He could feel his body calm down and his heartbeat slow.

He felt at home. At peace. And all it took was the gentle embrace of the woman he loved more than anything. Not that she knew that of course.

He could see the sincerity in her eyes. She really wanted to do this for him. To help him.

"Will you let me help you Bucky?" she sighed.

With pain and regret, he said something he promised he wouldn't say to her, "Yes".

That was all it took. She put her arm around his shoulders, helping him get off the ground, guiding him to her bed. When she laid him down all he could see was compassion in her eyes, a compassion that made him feel safe.

Safe. That word felt so foreign to him- he couldn't even remember the last time he felt that way let alone thought it. But, here he was, feeling that feeling. Like he belonged. Like he was appreciated.

"So how does this work?", Bucky asked. He could hear his voice trembling. He was never like this, never so vulnerable in front of someone else. This is why he was so afraid of talking to Wanda, letting her in. Because he knew the moment he gave in, his wall would crash, and she would be privy to everything about him.

He didn't know if he could handle that. He didn't know if SHE could handle that. But, there was no going back now. He had completely surrendered himself to her the moment he knocked on her door.

"You just have to close your eyes and relax. This may be a little painful and I'm sorry for that because I know you came to me to ease your pain. But, the only way to ease your pain is to go through your memories one by one, especially the painful ones. By doing that, you will be able to confront whatever it is that is haunting you. It will force you to confront the feelings you never confronted before."

"So you'll see my memories too?"

"Yes, I will. But, Bucky you don't need to worry with me. Whatever I see will stay between us, I promise".

She reached over and squeezed his hand. He could feel a smile itching to show itself and it took more strength than he thought to not grin like a maniac. She would truly think he was a psychopath if she saw that, especially in that moment.

"Ok, I trust you".

The moment he said the word "trust", Bucky could feel Wanda's demeanor change. She seemed a little bit more nervous now, a hesitant smile creeping on her lips. It was weird for him too. The word trust hadn't been uttered from his side in years, but here he was trusting this woman in front of him. Feeling safe with her. God, he was in way too deep.

"Alright. So I'm going to sit at the front of the bed and I need you to lay your head in my lap so that I can reach both sides of your head".

Bucky shifted himself the way she wanted, letting his hard head fall into her soft lap. He could feel her eyes on him, waiting for him to look up at her, but he couldn't. He couldn't look into those beautiful eyes.

"Alright Bucky, are you ready?"

His heart was pounding. This was it. The first step. All he had to do was take it.

"Yes"

She pressed her thumbs into the sides of his head and immediately he was transported back to his old home.

Home.

Where he grew up with Steve. Where he went to school. Where he was happy. In love.

He looked down at himself, seeing small hands and tiny feet. He was a kid again. A small stumpy little kid. He wanted to laugh; God he missed those days. But, when he turned around he saw something he thought he would never see: his house.

He could feel his little legs take him inside and the moment he stepped inside, his heart sighed. He missed it so much. Working with his dad. Laughing with his mom. Suddenly hope coursed through his veins; maybe she was here.

He set out to look for her. She should be alive, he seemed young enough. So, maybe he could see her. Feel her hugs again.

But, that hope was crushed in an instant. A flash of red, white, and blue crashed through the windows. His dad was standing at the door talking to a man in a uniform.

He was a child when he lost her. But, now he was a man. A man in a child's body watching his father get told that his wife and the mother of his son was dead. He felt the pain attacking his heart. He wanted to scream. To run. The feelings he felt every night we're coming to the surface. But, he was stuck. Glued to the floor watching the scene unfold before him.

Then, his father turned around. Oh, how he missed him. His hugs. His laugh. His jokes. Bucky could see the pain in his dad's eyes, a pain he never saw when he was younger. The last thing Bucky saw was his father reaching for him with tears in his eyes and the weight of the world on his shoulders.

When Bucky opened his eyes again, he saw Wanda wipe away the silent tears that escaped her eyes. Bucky felt oddly at peace. His mother's death was something he never understood, never confronted, because it happened when he was so young, but now he felt free, content. Like he's finally accepted what happened to her.

"The last time I felt the pain that you just felt was when Vision died."

All Bucky could do was look away. He hurt her.

She noticed how he shifted away.

"You know it isn't your fault right? When I reach into your memories, I feel everything your feeling, because in those moments we are one mind. One body."

"Why did you start so early in my childhood? That's not what's haunting me. It's the operation. The crash. The murders."

"I have to start from your first source of pain Bucky, and she was your first. I know you know who's next. But, it's something that is important. All of this pain you have inside you is stuck there because you never let it out, confronted it. So we have to go back and you have to confront your pain, relive it. That's how it works".

Bucky wanted to say something, but he couldn't. She had helped and he had no idea how to thank her. Instead, he was arguing with her, telling her what to do. So he did the one thing he was good at.

He got off the bed and walked out the door, leaving a silent Wanda alone on her bed.

Hi! I hope you guys are enjoying the story! Sorry, this update took so long, I was trying to figure out how I wanted to go with the story. Please comment or message me if something is confusing! And feel free to give me some ideas for the upcoming chapters, I could use the inspiration :)

Thank you!