nefelibata (n.) | ✔️

twenty.

Present. October 28th, 2018.

I guess you could say the week had been exhaustingly long. Sunday's are the days you reflect on that kind of thing, I think that's why Penelope chose to have our weekly calls on Sunday. I also don't think she thought that logically. She probably just figured that once Sunday rolls around, everything will have happened already and she'll have a fresh batch of news to dump on me.

My weeks lately tended to be a bit more stressful than they used to be. They were more packed than last year, and I didn't usually have to wait to do my homework until very late in the night. I'd always be home right after school, but not only was my job keeping me out later, but I found myself hanging out with Carson on a regular basis and not regretting a single moment that I spent with him. 

It was weird, I think most of the time it still is. I can't seem to get the fact that before Carson, I didn't let a single person get close to me since my big falling out with Brooklyn. I didn't let myself make another friend other than Penelope, and I wouldn't dare let a boy creep his way into my mind in the middle of the night. 

I guess it was another thing I should talk to Penelope about. 

"Hi Penelope, how was your week?" I sigh into the phone, plopping down onto my bed. I glanced at my alarm clock that currently shined a bright 11:16 PM in bright red.

"Quite good I must say," She laughs softly. "And your week Miss. Williams?" I shook my head at the odd tone her voice had gone in as she spoke.

"Long, but good." I huffed.

"Another long week? I'm assuming Mr.Sexy was involved?" I could just picture her raising her brows suggestively and a smirk playing on her lips.

"Mr.Sexy? Really?" I groaned and rolled over onto my back, letting the top of my head fall off the bed slightly.

"Yep! Considering you won't take a picture with this character, I chose to assume that he is mighty freakin' fine." I ignore my brain as it screams 'She's not wrong!' and pretend to play dumb.

"Oh do you now?" A part of me wanted to go into a deep ramble about how most of the time I was with Carson and the times I wasn't with him I was thinking about the times I was with him. I wanted to then explain to her that it was pissing me off and I didn't understand it, but something held me back. 

"Yes, yes I do." She says, pausing for a moment. "Do you mind if I switch the conversation though? I'm very deep in thought about my Mr.Sexy."

"I don't mind at all, P. What's happening with Cole?" I ask, concern evident in my voice. The pathetic thing is, she's fine, and I still get all worked up when she even mentions a guy. I just want her to get the love that she deserves, and if she doesn't understand that, then there will be issues with me.

"Nothing really. I guess why it's so frustrating is because Cole's perfect. He's wonderfully kind and polite. He's respectful, and he doesn't pressure me or treat me like I'm just another girl." She rambles.

"What's so frustrating about that?"

"I feel like I'm not good enough for him, Lena. I feel like he's so much better than me that it literally hurts my brain when I think about the maturity he has and the talent he has." Penelope? Not good enough? I could never imagine it.

"Excuse me for taking a moment but you? Penelope, you're the most extraordinary person I've ever known. You've got this understanding of the world that is simply overwhelming. You're incredible and fuck, Cole is a fortunate boy."

"Thank you, Lena. But that's the thing. He's kind, talented, mature, respectful, and all that shit that I've never leveled up to. Have you ever met a teenage boy like that? Cause I haven't! They all suck, and that's what I'm used to, y'know? I want something crazy and reckless. Cole is the best, he really is. He's a novels wet dream, but I don't know if he truly understands me you know?"