SHE.

SHE BOWS

I stood there in my salaah, my hands over my chest. My heart aching with every beat, internally sobbing. I thought to myself,"Have I done something wrong? Do I deserve this?". My mind got frustrated over every sob my heart made - a debate within. I felt anger; anger and frustration, love and hate all at once.

I knew he was trouble, yet I let him in only to walk all over my heart. I let him! How could I let him?! How could I be such a fool? I tried focusing on my salaah, in the hopes that it will heal me, like magic. To make things worse, my muscles ached from the previous days' workout. I bowed down - with my physical, emotional and mental chaos. I bowed down to un-lift all my troubles, begging my creator "Guide me - I'm lost. Heal me - I'm broken. Help me get stronger and deal with this pain".

Memories of our intense conversations kept flashing on my mind. He had made a fool out of me just like the previous guy. I shut myself off, almost robotically finishing my salaah like I should. Unaware of my surroundings. At that moment, I made a note of realization to myself that no human being will love me as much my Lord does, therefore no human being will ever occupy the innermost core of my heart. I shut my eyes, did my dhikr and continued my day just like any other day at work.