Suffering {COMPLETED}

To the end

April pov

I was just arriving home from the court session I had today. And victory to the Carters. 5 long months fighting for her and I have it now. John took my jacket and we sat down on the couch in silence. He grabbed my hand and I turned my head to him with tears steaming down his face, "We did it, you got what you wanted. I'm so proud of you baby."
I wiped his face with my hands, "Couldn't have done it without the help of my supporter." We hugged in each other in relief. The fight was over.

"We have a little time for ourselves, maybe we should get some rest?" John suggested. "Will you hold me?" I asked.
"Of course, come here."

I went underneath my shirt and unclipped my bra, sliding it off of me. I sat it on the couch. I kicked my heels off and john did the same. We cuddled up with other and eventually he fell to sleep. I shifted around a little and looked at him smiling. I kissed her chest and laid my head over his beating heart. Just listening to it.

My heart was still heavy, half of me is trying to stay together, then my head is telling me another thing. I've never told John about the times I've over dosed on medication from my previously relationship with Cal. I thought I wouldn't have to because I was going to be fine now that I was with him. But...seems like I am not. And it's not John, it's me...all me. The pain we're going through is because of me, my child is gone...because of me.

I rose up quietly and looked at his body. I kissed his lips, and I kissed his neck to his chest leaving my kiss marks from my red lipstick. I went into the restroom in our room locking the door. Quietly, I grabbed my bag and a few photos. The only pill bottle I hid because I knew John would try to stop me. I looked at the photos I grabbed along the way. A photo of my parents, I took a few pills out of the bottle, looked at them and I popped them into my mouth chugging it down with water. I looked at a photo of Justice and took a few more. Then, us as a family. John, the kids, and I. And I took the last few I had. One by one, I swallowed them down.

My body was already weak, I laid on the floor and looked at each picture. Crying and sobbing. I quickly rose up and threw up. Trying to hold it in, I kept going and going. "April?" I heard.
And going, and going. "April?!" The knob shook, "I'm-fine-" I held onto my stomach and again. My breathing becoming shallow, I felt a little dizzy. "Let me in baby?Let me come in, let me help you!" He grunted banging, pulling, and hitting at the door.
"You can't." I laughed wiping my mouth with a tissue as I flushed it all down. I laid on the floor and drunk the rest of the water. "Baby unlock the door." He pleaded.
"L-let me go John...please." I said softly. "Open the door!" He banged on the door. It eventually stopped. Oh the pain, what I experienced in my life is that all the pain I went through made me loose myself, I tried and tried. Move on, fix everything, I caused my child life, and I can only find the peace within myself if I could-

Narrator pov

And there she took her last breathe. John finally kicking the door down, he ran inside and tried everything he knew. The paramedics were on their way, he leaned down and listened to her heart closely, it was low and soft. He knew her body was shutting down, "Baby, I was gonna be there for you. We had this." He cried. And rushing in they took her body up and hurried her out.

Flashing lights, and the sounds of the bus coming.

Can they save her...well, I don't know. April can only push herself through, her body was getting weak. Life will eat you up to the point where you can't take it. You can only do so much, but only so much is still not enough. Darkness falls, the devil speaks to you.

Like a puddle of rain, John left his shirt soaked with the tears he cried for his wife.

John pov

I sat there and I waited, I shook myself back and forth. "Mommy." I hugged her and she hugged me. "She's been through so much mama, I tried I really did. I don't blame her mama for anything that happens, I don't care. I lost so much." I cried. "It happened, and I-I can't loose her. They remind me so much of her sweet voice, smile, eyes, and everything. I miss my April, my April Mae."
I cried and hung onto her. "I know, I know. It's so hard baby, it's really hard. But you can't cry, we have to be strong right now. Sit down and think about the positive things."

I held her hand and rested my head on her shoulder. "I can't loose April. S-she means everything to me. I wouldn't be able to move on."
"I know, and it hurts. April has been through a lot. She's hurting son, she just trying to find a way to get out of everything for good."
"I texted the babysitter for you and she said she'll be taking care of the kids while we're hear. I'll go home so I can check in."
"Thank you."
"I love you son, just calm down. Believe she's going to make it."

~

"We've flushed her body out, got all that out, but as far as her body-it's not looking to well. She's on life support, we've done everything that we can do that's in our power."
"What did she take?" I stood up fixing myself.
"Pain killers, from what we're seeing she took about 10 of those pills. She took some Aleve, a adult is suppose to take about 2. Some pills are stronger than others, so she was suppose to take no more than 2. She took 10, with some water. If you don't mind Mr.Carter if we ask you a few questions on the behave of your wife?"
"Of course."

We went to a more private area, but still close.
"April, has been through a lot. Her ex-Husband was abusive to her. We've recently lost-lost our daughter. She was only about 4 months." I looked down then back at him. "In a car accident due to her husband. Well, ex husband. Lost her parents at very young age, she's has been through hell. She even wrote me a note about her wanting to do this, but I got rid of all the pills. I tried, I tired to be there. She would talk to be at night and tell me about how she was feeling and she knew if she ever needed to cry, need some love, I was right there for her.
Her poor heart has been hurting for a long time. I fell asleep, on the couch and she was throwing up in the restroom. I heard it.  She's just hurt, I tried marriage counseling, but she doesn't want it...if she does make it, please help her. I've done all I could do and I hope it's not too late to get her help, not just her but me too. Ever since we lost our baby girl everything changed, we went 5 months straight and no sex, no talking, no nothing...we need to rebuild our relationship, ourselves and when she gets better please help us."

He nodded his head and looked me in the eyes with my sympathy. "I understand Mr.Carter, we'll do everything we can do. Right now it's up to her body to keep going"
"Thank you."

We walked off and I decided to get us some food to help calm my nerves.
"Here you go mama,."
"Thank you son." She smiled.

Eating slowly, it was quiet in the hospital. The sound of her monitors making a sound. What pushed her so far to the edge where she couldn't just tell me and let me help? She's been through so much and the only thing I try to do is be there and be understanding, but this I just can't.

After I finished eating, I quietly walked in. I was afraid to walk in. Could she hear me? Feel my presence?
"April, if you can hear me...just know I'm sorry I failed you as a husband. You make me so happy, you gave me 4 wonderful kids something I think I wouldn't probably have because I couldn't find the right woman who filled my heart the way you do. I love-I love you so much." I wiped my eyes and cried silently.

I cleaned my face up and sat there watching her. I wanted to hold her, kiss her, and just-just be there for her. What is I loose her for good? I seen her one too many times in these hospitals hooked up to machines. What will I tell my kids?