Playing With Fire || JJK fanfiction

19

**Trigger Warning. If you are sensitive to the topic of mental health (depression and suicide specifically) I suggest you skip this chapter. I hope I don't offend anyone. And please don't be afraid to ask for help x. Anyway enjoy this chapter.**

On the way back to Seoul you both were laughing and singing together. You don't remember being this happy ever in your life.

You were back in Seoul now and jungkooks family had planned a party. Of course it was huge and super over the top in your opinion but he seemed happy so you didn't say anything.

For some reason at the party you were zoning in and out, Jungkook noticed asking if you were fine to which you just brushed off saying you were ok. But you didn't know if you were, your best friends death anniversary was coming up and it was making you feel strange.

You got like this every year since her passing, having her gone took a huge toll on you and you haven't been the same since. Of course you haven told Jungkook about this, telling him would mean one more attachment and you don't know if you were willing to give everything to him. You were scared but you felt like you had to, you trusted him that wasn't a problem it was more of the fact that telling him would mean you would be just as close as you old best friend and the amount of hurt you went through losing her would be unbearable.

You decided to tell him but not tonight. He looked happy tonight. You decided you would tell him on her anniversary, you would take him with you to her grave and explain everything to him. Including your emotional troubles and how unimaginably corrupt your mental state was.

Time skip to 20th of may
Today was the day. Your shoulders felt heavy and you felt numb. Jungkook noticed your strange behavior at first asking what was wrong but after you refused to tell him multiple times just decided to leave you be. He knew pushing you into telling him wouldn't be good and would probably cause an argument.

You didn't sleep a blink of sleep last night and ended up sitting on the balcony drinking light liquor. You started with wine then moving to baileys and milk to try and fill the pain and drink it away at 3 am in the morning.

It was freezing outside but your thick warm clothes along with a heavy blanket shielded most of the cold.

Jungkook got up at around 6 when the sun was rising. You were still awake now without any more alchohol left just staring at the sunrise. Your eyes devoid of that sparkle you'd seem to have constantly nowadays, instead your eyes were glazed over with unshed tears of pain.

Jungkook sat down next to you gently draping his arm around your body slowly bringing your body to his. And then, when he did this it was like you broke. You shattered like a piece of fragile china being dropped from its cupboard, where it's stands so full of beauty and pride but when dropped is just scattered pieces of pictures and patterns, once recognized as an artist piece now an unrecognizable and incomplete cup. That's what you were, unrecognizable and incomplete. You missed her. You missed her more then your own mother.

You got up picking the thin wine glass up and throwing right at the wall letting all of your anger, pain and loss out with the loudest and most emotional scream you'd heard. It had been building and dwelling in the pit of your heart. Just sitting there haunting you. And now finally, on this day, it's out.

Jungkook got up looking a little sad and very worried, it was frightening seeing you this broken. He placed his hand on yours very gently. You looked up at him and he saw it. That unbearable pain, guilt, loss and anger. He saw it in your eyes as the tears finally spilled over onto your cheeks. Leaving streaks of sorrow on your cheeks.

"What happened" his voice no higher then that of a whisper, he was scared if he spoke to loud you'd just shatter so much that you, this fine piece of delicate china, would turn into little grains. So broken it's even beyond repair. You just cried, and cried and cried.