Voice mails from Sherlock to John

Voice Mail 14

Mrs Hudson rushes to Sherlock's bedroom and slams the door open. Sherlock sits up, stares at her. He can see that she is'nt well. She looks pale and fragile and worried. 

"Sherlock," She says with a softly off-putting voice. "Mary called. She wants you to call back. Now." 

Sherlock's eyes are wide and filled with confusion as Mrs Hudson settles onto Sherlock's bed and hands him her phone. He looks up at her, worried. Dark thoughts rampage through his head as he tries to find the answer to his landladies odd behaviour. She rests her hands on her chin as she carefully watches Sherlock dial Mary's phone number. The phone rings. Mrs Hudson signals Sherlock to put it on speaker.

"Sherlock?" A frail, breaking voice answers.

"Mary hi" A loud sobbing is heard over the phone and Sherlock looks at Mrs Hudson. "Mary. Mary tell me what's wrong! Mary-

"Its John" She replies. 

"What- what John what about John what, has he been drinking is he cheating on you, let me come over I'll have a talk to him let him know I'll-

"I can't! I can't tell him he's not here-

"Why where is he in Australia digging up fossils? Why isn't he here just text him or call him it shouldn't be that difficult you're his wife you can do whatever you want-

"Sherlock!-

"Mary just tell-

"He's dead, Sherlock!" Mary's voice cracks as she cries over the phone. They both look at each other, both tear-eyed and in shock. Mrs Hudson rests one hand onto Sherlock's shoulders and the other, still on her mouth. Sherlock looks down at the phone and covers his face with his free hand. He's isn't willing to cry in front Mrs Hudson, let alone show his weak side to Mary. His hand still covering his eyes, Sherlock softly starts

"What do you- what do you mean he's dead." He says softly.

His hands are shaking and the phone is unstable in his hand. He can't believe what he is hearing. He doesn't want to believe it. He wants to forget what Mary said and pretend like nothing ever happened. He wants to wash his ears with soap until his hearing is clogged by the clean product in his ear, something that isn't horrifying, terrible. He wishes he could swallow a vacuum so it could clean out his decaying insides, his rotting brain, his punctured lungs, and his dying heart and replace them with ones made of plastic so he wouldn't have to live with this knowledge in mind. He wouldn't have to live at all.

"I'm sorry." Mary whispers, crying. "He died a week ago-

"A week" Sherlock softly says to himself as his back hits the walls of his room and slides down to meet the floor. He usually loves the dark, but today, he hated every inch of it. He's crying, vulnerable.

"He left the house a Tuesday afternoon and didn't come back. I called the police and they didn't find him until two days ago-

There was a pause.

"He did it himself." She stopped as her voice became incomprehensible.

"Why didn't- why didn't you tell me sooner. I could've done something-

Mrs Hudson walks up to Sherlock and crouches in front of him, both of her hands on his knees. 

"It's not your fault, you couldn't have done anything. He wasn't acting weird or anything and he didn't seem unhappy. He was his regular, grumpy, loving self- It turned quite quickly" Mary starts to cry again, and so does everyone else.

"Sherlock he left you a note. I haven't had the courage to open it, but if you want I can take a picture of it and send it through to you?" Sherlock nods without letting out a word. Mrs Hudson takes the phone into her hand and stands up.

"Hi Mary this is Mrs Hudson speaking. Yes please send it over" Her voice breaks as she speaks and tears are streaming down her face.

"Oh hi angel" Mary replies softly. "I'll send the picture over right now. Again, I am so sorry for not having said anything earlier. I was trying to deal with it myself before saying anything to others. I know how much he meant to the both of you. I'm sorry." Mary hangs up. The room is quiet and uneasy. A 'beep' sounds on the phone and Mrs Hudson opens the message. 

"Sherlock?" She says, almost unhearable. "Do you want to read it alone or do you want me to read it to you?" 

"Sherlock's hands drop and rest on his thighs as he looks up at Mrs Hudson. His eyes and his face are red. "I don't want to read it" he murmurs to her. She nods and sits on Sherlock's bed as begins to read.

'My dear Sherlock. I'm sorry for not replying to your voice mails. I couldn't bring myself to talk to you because I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop. I had to move away, not only start my life as a husband and a father, but because living with you, and not being with you, hurt. I wanted to stay, trust me, but I had always been told by my arrogant, broken family that loving a man wasn't right. It wasn't what God wanted. I believed all of it when I grew up but that changed when I met you. Obviously you were the most annoying person I had ever met but my love for you grew and never stopped growing. I loved a man and I couldn't get my head around it, I just knew I did, and I was ok with it. I was perfectly fine with it. And when you faked your death I died inside. My life had turned from crazy lovable madness with you to crazy madness. Without the lovable and without you. Mary was my rock and I loved her for that. When you came back I was in love again. But I was scared of getting hurt so I stuck with Mary. But trust me, If I could turn back time I would have been with you in a flash. You are my everything. These past few months have been extremely difficult for me and talking to you I just, I couldn't do it. I wanted to come see you but I knew I wouldn't have left. I put up a facade to hide my pain from Mary but I couldn't live with it anymore. Please don't follow me, Sherlock. You've got your whole life to live. And just because I'm not there doesn't mean your life has to be miserable. Go solve cases for the both of us. I know you can do it. Because It'll always be the two of us. 

Just the two of us, against the rest of the world."

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Okay so HI sorry for the long wait for just this small thing. This fanfiction has finished BUT I have more to come!! Maybe not Sherlock related but things like Dirk Gently?? It's such a great TV show (the 2016 one on Netflix please watch it it's absolutely brilliant!!) It's basically a mix of Sherlock, Doctor Who, and Supernatural. I hope you enjoyed this and again, I'm terribly sorry for the long wait!!

Xx