Broken Story

Knocking On Heaven's Door

I was doing some research on my computer when Nathan walked into the room and tried to peek at what I was doing but I quickly minimized my screen. He looked at me suspiciously and asked if I was all right. I told him I was then I picked up my computer and went to my room to continue my research. Nathan barged into my room without knocking and asked what I was doing and why I was acting weird. I told him there was nothing wrong and that I was just doing some work for the hospital. Then he saw a sticky note on my bed, picked it up and read the content. I watched as his face turned red in anger then he tore the note and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I ran after him and begged him to listen to me but to no avail. I knocked on his door pleaded with him to open but he ignored me.

I went back to my room and continued my research; I was not going to let Nathan stop me. After a couple of hours, Nathan returned to my room and asked, "Why are you researching cancer centers? What are you hoping to do?"

I snapped and said, "Nathan you cannot just give up like that, you have to continue your treatment. I will give you my savings but I refuse to sit down and just watch you die. We will fight this together."

For the first time Nathan raised his voice and yelled at me, "WHAT PART OF I AM DONE WITH TREATMENT DO YOU NOT GET? I AM TIRED OF ALL THE CHEMOTHERAPY. WE HAVE VISITED MANY CANCER CENTERS AND THEY ALL GAVE THE SAME REPORT. I HAVE LESS THAN A YEAR TO LIVE. SO PLEASE I WANT TO ENJOY THE MONTHS I HAVE LEFT IN PEACE."

I stood there speechless and astonished, after a few minutes he broke the silence and apologized for yelling at me.

I said, "Nathan I understand you are tired but I do not want to lose you. I need you to give this a fighting chance. Let us try other options. I found a few cancer centers that you have not visited we could check them out. Do not leave me Nathan; I will not survive it if you do."

He turned his back to me and said, "I am sorry Alisha, I am done fighting this illness. I do not have any strength left in me. Maybe your family and friends are right, you are better off without me. I think we should just end this now. I would not want to leave you broken but as for going back to the hospital, I am sorry Alisha that is not happening."

As he turned to leave, I stepped in front of him and begged him, "Nathan I am not leaving you, all I am asking is that we give this another shot. Please babe, do it for me. I love you more than you can imagine and I want a beautiful life with you."

He snapped and said, "You have to accept this reality Alisha, I will not be around for very long but if you insist on giving this one more shot then I will visit just one more hospital. You book the appointment, but if the doctor gives the same report then you have to promise me that we will drop this treatment topic and never talk about it again."

I smiled and thanked him. He tried leaving the room but I stopped him and kissed him. He pulled me into his arms, closed his eyes, and whispered, "I love you so much and I am so angry that God did not bring you into my life earlier. I wish we had more time together. I know it is selfish of me to want to keep you in my life knowing that I do not have much time left but I need you."

I hushed him up and kissed him as tears rolled down my cheeks.

I called up one of the hospitals I found online and booked an appointment. A week later Nathan and I visited the hospital and after a series of tests the doctor broke the news to us that there was no hope because Nathan's health was deteriorating and the cancer cells had spread. I stormed out of the doctor's office and Nathan followed behind me. When I got to the car, I broke down and cried. Nathan pulled me into his arms and with tear-filled eyes he said, "I am sorry babe."

I cupped his face and said, "We are not giving up Nathan, we are going to keep trying until we find a solution. We will go to the ends of the earth if we have to but you cannot give up."

Nathan snapped and said, "Stop it Alisha, we have tried everything and there is nothing more we can do. I am done with fighting; please let us drop this case."

I yelled at him, "SO YOU ARE JUST GOING TO GIVE UP JUST LIKE THAT? THIS IS NOT RIGHT NATHAN."

We sat in the car in silence, after a few minutes, I drove us home, and then we went up to Nathan's room. We sat on the bed as I let tears roll down my cheeks then Nathan pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I was overwhelmed with emotions and I just wanted to love him in every way I knew how to, so I kissed him and whispered, "Make love to me Nathan."

He said, "Marry me and I will make love to you all you want."

I stormed out of his room, went to my room, got on my knees, and made a silent prayer.

"Dear God,

I know I have not come to you in a while but I am Knocking on heaven's door, please open up.

Knocking on heaven's door, please hear me.

Open the floodgates of heaven and pour out your healing power.

Knocking on heaven's door, please do not turn your back on me

Here I am I give all I have to you.

Knocking on heaven's door, please open up." ~Alisha