Broken Story

How To Save A Life

I sat in the chair next to Nathan's bed and cried until I passed out. When I woke up, I saw Nathan's mom seated next to me reading a book. She smiled, squeezed my hand, and said, "You need to eat something. I will go get you something to eat."

I tried refusing her offer to get me some food but she insisted and it was futile fighting her. She returned with some chicken sandwich and water.

I sat with her as we ate in silence, after about an hour Dr. Robert came in to check on Nathan and then he said, "Mrs. Clark please take Alisha home. You both need to get some rest. I will keep you posted if there are any changes."

I insisted on staying but they talked me out of it. We all left the hospital and Nathan's parents took me to their home because they did not want me staying alone.

When I got to Nathan's former room, I sat on his bed and let my tears flow. I picked up my phone and tried to call Alex but I ended up just texting him, "Hi."

I waited for a response from him but I got none so I fell asleep.

After a few hours Mrs. Clark came to wake me up, she seemed disoriented. I asked if she was all right and she said, "Get ready, we are leaving for the hospital."

As we walked through the front doors of the hospital, Mrs. Clark took my hand and squeezed it; I saw her try to fight back tears. My mom and Caroline rushed to my side then Mrs. Clark said, "We have not told her yet."

I turned to her and asked, "Told me what?"

Mr. Clark put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I am sorry Alisha but he is gone."

I stood there frozen trying to find words but I was blank. I tried crying but my eyes were dry. I ran to Nathan's room and stood there speechless as I looked at his lifeless body. I felt a hand on my shoulder then turned to find Dr. Cathy. I said, "I just lost my husband and I cannot even bring myself to cry. I feel absolutely nothing."

She said, "Alisha you are in a state of shock and confusion because this is something you knew would happen but hoped would not happen. So now, you do not know if you should mourn or feel disappointed that you could not stop it from happening. I will give you some time alone, I will be around if you need to talk."

After a few minutes, Nathan's parents walked in and we all stood there silently, watching his lifeless body, then I hugged them and left the room.

My mom drove me home and then I asked her and Caroline to leave because I wanted to be alone. I went up to my room and looked at my bed, once again empty. I picked up my computer, opened a blank word document, and typed "Broken Story-Where do you go when love is not enough?"

I started typing my story. I went back to the beginning where it all started with Damian.

A week later

I stood there in a black dress and watched as Nathan's coffin was lowered to the ground. Everyone around me was sobbing; I was the only one with dry eyes. I felt guilty that I could not even force a tear. I knew I was hurting deep down but I could not express that pain. I was scared of letting myself grieve because I knew it would only remind me of my failure to save Nathan's life.

As I stood there, I felt an arm around me then I looked up to find Alex standing next to me. He kissed my cheek and pulled me close.

After the funeral, Alex drove me home. We both sat in silence staring at the blank TV and then he got up, went to my room, and came back down with a blanket. He wrapped me up in the blanket, went to the kitchen to get me some coffee and then he sat next to me and wrapped me up in his arms. I broke the silence and asked,

"How do you save the life of the one you love?

Where do you go when love is not enough?

Where do you go when money is not enough?

Where do you go when mind-blowing sex is not enough?

Where do you go when nothing is enough?

Where do you go when you are not enough to save the life of the one you love?"

Alex stroked my arm and said, "I am sorry darling, I do not know what to say."

I said, "First it was Damian and now Nathan. I could not save them."

Alex said, "I am not going to sit here and let you blame yourself. This is not your fault. Damian died in a car crash, and Nathan was sick. There was nothing you could have done to save them."

I pulled away from him and said, "I have lost everything."

He stroked my cheek and said, "Sweetie you have not lost everything. You have me and you have your baby. I promise I am not going anywhere; I am not losing you again. I will be there every step of the way. I will give you all the time you need to heal and I will be right here waiting for you."

I smiled, rested my head on his shoulder and said, "Thank you Alex and I am sorry about...."

He hushed me up and said, "Forget it. I know you did not mean to hurt me."

Then I asked, "How did you find out about the baby?"

He smiled and said, "Your mom told me the news when you found out you were pregnant."

I smiled, wrapped my arms around Alex as I fell asleep.