How May I Feel?

Ode to Bullying

I feel as though I'm trapped inside a tiny little box.

I can hear what others say aloud, but can't voice my own opinion.

I try to ignore their crude remarks on the outside,

But I'm crumbling on the inside.

I hate showing any weakness, and I refuse to let them worry me.

But, what happens when someone puts a crack in my 'indestructible' armor?

I don't want to live in paranoia,

But have found no way to elude it...

Instead of waging war on the emotions that plague me,

I try to weed out where they originate.

As I begin my search, I become lost within myself.

The farther I go,

The deeper I end up in this never-ending void.

Fearing where I might end up,

I force myself back.

Back into a world that doesn't seem to even notice I left.

A world that seems just as dark with despair as the void I just left.

But, I found something there.

It was me.

The person I was meant to be.

Chained down by my doubts,

Starved by my fears,

And struggling to carry all of my burdens on its shoulders.

Even with such drawbacks,

My eyes still held hope.

Hope for a better future.

That expression keeps me up at night, wondering.

But, life goes on.

With that, I'm obligated to act as if nothing happened.

Facing the world with false emotions instead of true ones.

But sadly, who would know besides me?

No one.

For no one notices the frown hiding beneath the smile,

Or the tears behind the laughter.

No one knows that, on the inside,

I really do care what others think.

I wouldn't feel this way,

But my artificial emotions make people feel the need to accuse me of everything.

Why?

Because jealousy and hatred cloud their better judgement.

For all they see in me are the qualities they don't seem to have.

But, if they were to see my imperfections as well,

Would they accept me?

Probably not.

They would just ridicule me for my faults as well.

And so my question continues to go unanswered.

Why?

Why must we live in a world that thrives on fear and hate,

Instead of love and compassion?

Maybe it's just too much to hope for,

Or maybe I'm just naïve.

I despise stress, hatred, and deep sorrow,

But I find myself drowning in it...