I Miss You

April 2, 2018

I thought about you this weekend. How could I not? Yesterday was Easter. I know you have today off; it's Easter Monday.

I don't even know what to write anymore.

I miss you.

It is much later, but the last entry was so small. Fourth hour just started, 9:55. In ELA we've been working on a parent letter. I ended up submitting it four times because I kept finding things to change, to edit. I told Sickel why there were so many submissions.

"Of course you did," she snickered.

Sounded just like you.

Ugh, I'm dying.

This is only half an hour from the few paragraphs right above this. I just shared this with Luci, because she's been using me as her personal diary. I don't know if Laney has even gotten on this document, but Luci is on this right now--well, she was. Now she's doing a practice test for pre-al.

You're gone. I've gone to her.

No offense, Luci, I mean no harm. However, these last two weeks are when I've become really close to Luci, at least I believe.

But I don't really know anymore.

And I'm probably being pathetic, being petty, but I don't know what to do. If you were any other friend, and I mean that literally, I would've emailed you 30 times already.

But I know I annoy you.

And the others, Laney, Luci, they don't mind too much when I annoy them--at least, they claim. They know I'm a clingy child and I'm scared to lose anyone, and the two kind of collided to be the mess that I am.

I promise you, if you'd met me in fourth grade, known me in fourth grade, I wasn't this bad.

The way I act when it comes to friendship... it all comes back to Thelma.

And I try to leave it behind me, because she's in a different world. A different me. But I can't, because I still can't forgive myself for that mistake, that horrible, horrible, mistake that I did.

Maybe that's part of why my skin is so awful.

I'll stop here, I've gone too long.