My Life wasnt easy... and it will never be

9th Grade

It was the beginning of my high school years and i was so nervous to walk into a brand new school and a ton more students. There was a academy just for freshman and that made things better but however, things were very hard to go through things that were very difficult. I started marching band and it was difficult to understand that things weren't going to go my way and things weren't ran be me and many things i got into fights with people who were older because i always thought that they were just bossy and they didnt really care and were treating me wrong, i went through the season and everything was fun. Saying goodbye to the seniors was hard but i didnt have enough emotion to give to others. When concert band came around it was hard to get used to not having to wake up at a certain time to get to school. I love marching band. It was a challenge and i loved it because the more we were challenged than anything. I continued on in the year and i went to my first basketball game for pep band and i ended up being asked out by a senior and we had the best of times. There were many things that i loved about him and there were times where things got a little heated in the process of watching a movie on the couch but it was kissing and hugging that led to having us on the floor on top of each other. We dated for a month in a half  and there were so many laughs and so many funny moments. I didnt want to love him but i ended up falling in love with him, and he left me heart broken and i felt so empty and i thought i would never love myself again. Through out the year, i started getting comments from people saying that i slept with a teacher that i didnt even know and there were times where i just wanted to walk away, things got posted on social media and things were saying that i was a whore and i just was made fun of all the time. It hurt so bad and every day i wanted to die. I ended up overdosing on pills and i still woke up the next day and another month later, my sister found out and went to the counselors office and told, i was called down and my sister had texted me to ask why i did that and she asked me why i did that and i said, i want to fucking die, that's why i did it and she said nothing after that. She called my mom and told her, traveling to compass for being evaluated, i cried all the way there. My mom cried too and so did my sister. Of course all the basic questions flooded my therapists mouth and everything that was asked made me want to really die. I caused so much pain for my mom and the thing is, i can never take it back, i made my mom disappointed in me and i never had the same reputation from her or my sister.  I cant do anything to reverse the clock of what i did and there isn't enough apologies to explain how sorry i am. I got through the year and i survived my 1st year of high school.