My Life wasnt easy... and it will never be

8th grade

8th grade rolled around and things were good. At the beginning of the year, I get so good to be in the last year of middle school and everything was going great at the beginning of the year. I tried out for the volleyball team and i got C team. It wasn't something that i really wanted but I still got to play and i was proud of myself. Things were hard at first because we had a reputation that 8th graders had and had to follow more rules and show the 7th graders what to do. Through out the year I thought i ruled the world and it was very hard. I sat by myself and i didnt care. Or so what i told my friends that i sat by myself and most days i felt alone. In the middle of the school year i went through the cheer team and there were many times where i loved it but as always there was drama. There was so many fights that people were kicked out of the team. As many others going through troubles and tests and trying to pass, i was with them and everything was a struggle to accomplish. I wanted to be the best and i ended up hurting myself in the process of trying to please everyone. I ended up trapped in a hole and I ended up attempting suicide. I went through therapy and i went through abuse, some days it was so bad that I couldn't walk. Holes were created in the wall from me being pushed into the wall and cornered in to where I couldn't get out. I cried every night because i though it was never going to get better. Every day that went by my mom didnt know that i had attempted suicide by taking a lot of pills and of course i just didnt die. My mom thought that i was so happy and i wanted to scream and yell at her and it just wasn't fun. I hated myself for feeling this way and i always thought to myself. Damn it Megan why the fuck are you so god damn depressed, people have it way worse than you and you are bitching about how a couple of bruises were made. There was a dark time and all i did was sit in my room, under the covers and only went upstairs to eat and sometimes to leave to go somewhere. I was alone and i had no one, no one would help me and i always give up and cry. The most irrelevant times i was crying and i hated myself and I couldn't stand myself. I was disgusted with myself and i didnt care about who was on my side because i was used to people leaving, i found refuge in writing and softball, as well as singing. Music was my medicine and i still listen to it to this day and i sing as well. Softball was difficult because it was a new team and i didnt know anyone. It was a difficult year and i didnt give up