tears in rain [on hold]

01 | of first days and forebodings

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listen to boulevard of
broken dreams ~ green day
for this chapter

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"Broken isn't the same as unfixable," someone said. Well, you're right, whoever you are. But what if one just remains broken forever, waiting to be fixed, not unfixable, but simply... unfixed?

Okay, it's the first day of school as a senior, voice-in-my-head-that-sounds-just-like-me. Not now, please.

I hate you.

Doesn't everyone?

I rolled my eyes in exasperation, as I quickly put together an outfit with whatever clothes I could find. I glanced at the mirror. My long, wavy brown hair was tied into a ponytail, loose strands falling on either side of my face. My glasses were in place. I looked like I did on any other day. Yet I couldn't help but feel as if something bad were about to happen.

Stop fretting, your intuition is always wrong.

Rude, much?

I hurried downstairs to find my mom already in the kitchen, mug of coffee in her hand, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Morning, Mom," I greeted her, smiling.

"Hey, sweetie," she smiled, her dimples prominent. I don't think anyone would have noticed how tired she actually was, her face looking just as beautiful as ever. Sometimes, I wished I looked more like her. Mom had the same hair as I did, but with a soft caramel undertone. Her skin was a rich tone of beige, her eyes as blue as tropical water, and her lips a lovely shade of pink. I, on the other hand, had chestnut hair that ended in curls, eyes that were normally brown and looked golden in the light, and a weird frame, with broad shoulders and a thin waist.

"Dad left for his business trip?"

"Yes, dear, he left quite early in the morning."

"Oh."

She bit her lip. "He wanted to say goodbye to you, but you were asleep, so I didn't wake you up."

"Oh."

I winced but quickly covered it up with a smile and said, "Alright, Mom, I'll see you later, I guess."

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As I drove to school, Green Day blasting through the car speakers, I was so distracted that I almost jumped a red light. I grimaced as I slammed on the brakes to avoid getting fined. The foreboding sense wouldn't go away, and it occupied my thoughts like an annoying pop song on loop. I turned down the volume of the radio and drove the rest of the way in silence, my thoughts gnawing at me every moment.