So many weights over my body, muscles given in from years of un-shacking chain's. Keys scattered across the room no clues which go to what locks. Always moving forward, always fighting to survive, always struggling to move inchs at a time. Never gave up always put my all into wellness, chasing peace like the soothing winds crossing the silent plains. Bested all my mortal coils, just shallow graves on the roadside behind me. Nothing left but the heavy scars surviving cost me. Conquering my cracking corpse day by day. Snapping bone into place, bending tendons back together. Wading waist deep into insomnia always keeping my head above water despite the urge to let go drowning. Trying desperately to hold on to self identity along the way, so many names, names, names, spiraling throughout my brain. Sociopath sticks, sickenly reminding me of how far still to go, horizon not even in sight. Each key found a delicate process of recovery. Every key found a question lingering "do you even want this". Demons descend pulling on my shackles, rattling chains tremors off into the dark distance. Proof of how far left to go, weak attempts to make the current march forward halt. "Weak", Yet still force's me to pause, to consider. Shouldn't I just lay down and suffocate under the sea of chains I bare. Death isn't a fear, life isn't a goal, yet here I continue to stand. My strength alone, never enough, No matter how much my body strives, my mind endures, my spirit grows. My strength alone buckles under the promises of the past. My life to move forward succeeds through the strength of my family, marked by my love for those whom stand with me, of their own free will. Many hands hold my chains, Many swords slay the flocking demons. My mother Sandra holding my left hand. My lover Sophie holding my right hand. My King Lord Jesus lighting the path. Forever forward shall i move.
Thank you to all my friends from the new and living you give me hope Joseph, Tom, Mike a few.
Thank you to all my friends old and buried, you'll never go forgotten a day in my mind @chriss,chrissy, Isabel, a few.
Thank you to all those still to cross my path as a ally of life.
God bless.
