Dissidia Final Fantasy Tent Camping

5: Drop Kicked to the Next Dimension

Whisper whisper

Lightning: Do you see it?

They're all hiding in the bushes outside of Safeway

Ultimecia: No
I don't
Lightning: Where did that damn chocobo go
Vaan: it might be a ninja
Lightning: I doubt that
Vaan: you never know with chocobos
some of them can fly
Bartz: my 🙋🏻‍♂️chocobo 🐤is the best🔥💯 chocobo 🐤
my chocobo 🐤keeps it 💯
all day 📅everyday🗓
with them wings 🍗
Warrior of Light: *drop kicks Bartz* YOU ARE LATE
Terra: pretty sure he was here early—
Warrior of Light: SHUT UP HE WAS LATE TO BEING EARLY
Tidus: how in the what does that mean even
Terra: it's ok honey your IQs not high enough to understand *patting*
Tidus: aw
Warrior of Light: WHERES CECIL
Cecil: sorry I was having an emotional bonding moment with golbez
Warrior of Light: THERE ARE NO EMOTIONS ON THE BATTLEFIELD
Cecil: then why are you so mad all the time
Vaan: DAYYYYYUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM CECIL ON FIRE TODAY
Bartz: *🔥
Vaan: don't correct me in emoji
Warrior of Light: *collapses to the ground* *sobbing* I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE YELLING I CANT HELP IT
IM JUST SAD NOCTIS DIED
Kefka: you're right buddy I hear you *obviously fake crying*
Jecht: Kefka do u mIND
Kefka: no I really don't
Warrior of Light: MY FEELINGS ARE VALID SHUT UP

Mateus: oh my god can we just start I just want my eyeliner and I wanna go home
Firion: for once I agree
I feel terrible without my eyeliner
Who am I
Mateus: rebel trash, that's what you are
Firion: excuse me. who's the one who lent you the last of his eyeliner
Mateus: what, do you expect something in return
Firion: do you wanna go white boy
Mateus: YES, I DO
Cloud of Darkness: I WILL LITERALLY DESTROY BOTH OF YOU IF YOU TWO DONT FOCUS
Golbez: thank you cloud
Cloud of Darkness: *muttering under her breath*

Exdeath: hey y'all where did bartz go
Bartz: *walking back with two shopping bags filled with ice cream sandwiches*

everyone falls silent

Warrior of Light: *speechless* h-
H-how
How did you
w
w h a T
Bartz: I just walked🚶🏻 right in 📥you guys—

SUDDENLY A RUMBLING

Onion Knight: ruh roh raggy
Zidane: what is it scOoOoOObs

A GIANT CHOCOBO CRUSHES THE SAFEWAY

Sephiroth: *grins* look who finally showed up
Cloud: stop acting so smug
Vaan: aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT DESTROYED THE SAFEWAY
*hides behind onion knight*
Onion Knight: IM NOT YOUR SHIELD
Terra: wow he's one big boi
Y'shtola: I didn't know they could grow that big
Warrior of Light: everyone!! you must be attentive!! none of us have plot armor in dissidia!! except me!! because I'm the MAIN main character!!
Sephiroth: pretty sure I got plot armor too—

the chocobo 360 drop kicks Sephiroth

Tidus: plot fucking twist
Jecht: *picks up Tidus* WE'RE OUT BUH BYE LETS GO KIDDO
*runs*
Warrior of Light: *chasing jecht* NO NOBODY RUNS
Ultimecia: bruh we just like lost sephiroth, like that's totally like insane I wasn't expecting that like,,,woah
Cloud: what a way for the one winged angel to go out
almost as anticlimactic as when I killed him

Bartz: don't worry😉, Bartz 🙋🏻‍♂️🙌🏻✨🔥🇺🇸is here💪🏻 to the rescue🚨
I speak 🗣chocobo 🐤
Exdeath: no he doesn't
Zidane: how about we all just consecutively throw our swords at it
Warrior of Light: Swords can't pierce its feathered armor!
Terra: what about magic?
Warrior of Light: It can resist magic too!
Golbez: I can hurl rocks at it does that work
Warrior of Light: No!
Kuja: *sass* then we'll all just run in different directions, how about that Mr. Hardass

The chocobo goes to attack the group

Warrior of Light: SCATTER

Everybody runs in different directions
Onion Knight and Vaan go into the woods
Lighting goes into a full on sprint in the opposite direction
Kefka goes towards the chocobo because he's Kefka
Golbez throws Cecil as far as he possibly can
Firion squats and pretends to be camouflaged
Exdeath just teleports away
Tidus and Jecht...
JECHT TRIPS
OH NO
THE CHOCOBO IS RIGHT BEHIND THEM