The Spirit of Silence

Chapter 2

"You're kidding me right?" Emmett nearly shouts and I glare at him.

"Remember who's in the car with us," I say, reaching back to squeeze Noah's foot.

"Sorry. I just –." He takes a deep breath. "I was happy for you when you had Noah. Really, I was. Mom and Dad had just died and I knew it would be good for you. None of us could have expected what was going to happen then. But now Haze? Now we know how shitty everything is and how shitty it's going to get. How could you be so stupid?"

His words sting, especially considering I did know how shitty things would get, but they aren't anything I haven't already said to myself. "Don't you think I've already said those things to myself a million times? I'm not an idiot, I know now's not an ideal time to have a baby, Em. It's not like we were trying or anything! It just happened so I don't need you to scold me."

"Does Liam know? Do you even know for sure?"

"Yes, he knows." I whisper, remembering the night I told him.

~

It was just three days ago and we were lying in bed, Noah tucked between us. I was terrified to tell him, so I was grateful Noah had climbed into bed with us. After I managed to whisper those words to him, "I think I'm pregnant" he paused for a moment before shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"And you decided to tell me this now? How long have you known?"

"I don't know anything for sure, I haven't taken a test. I just started noticing it over the last week."

He shook his head, frowned, and focused on scratching Noah's back. "I think we should talk about this tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded. "Liam?" I whispered.

His tired, brown eyes met mine and my heart stopped like it did every time he looked at me.

"It's going to be okay, right?"

He smiled softly, before propping himself on his elbows. Leaning over Noah, he kissed my forehead gently.

"It's going to be okay. Get some sleep."

And I did.

~

I turn my attention back to Emmett, who is still staring at me.

"I don't know anything for sure, I never had time to go and buy a test. But I'm almost positive, Em. I just know."

"And what did Liam say?"

"We didn't get to talk a whole lot and I think that neither of us really wanted to. We knew how difficult a baby would make things so why dwell on it? I think we were just trying to pretend it wasn't real."

"You guys are 21 years old and in the middle of the end of the world. You do realize that, right?" Emmett's right hand was now firmly placed on the steering wheel rather than my hand.

"Really? Those minor details seemed to have slipped my mind!" I shot back. "Can you stop scolding me? I know how messed up this is and I don't need my little brother giving me a lecture. I'm older than you, remember?"

"No, I didn't. You make it so easy to forget."

I scowl at him and jump over the console into the backseat. Noah is nearly asleep and I stroke his cheek, running my fingers down his nose and brushing his hair out of his eyes. He looks so much like his Father with his sandy blond curls, chocolate brown eyes, and long eyelashes. It's both comforting and heartbreaking.

An hour passes in silence and I wish I could take my son out of his seat and hold him. Just having him in my arms helps me to breathe a little better. Instead, I watch his chest rise and fall as he sleeps. He has his blanket tucked against his face and his pacifier hangs loosely from his mouth. His little hand is still wrapped around two of my fingers.

"Haze?" Emmett murmurs, interrupting the quiet. "Will you come back up here?"

I gently remove Noah's hand from mine and slide back into the front seat.

"I'm sorry." Emmett whispers. "You're not stupid. You're the smartest person I know. You were able to get yourself and Noah out of the house and managed to get everything you needed into the car. I've learned a lot from your determination. I'm just – I'm just scared for you, that's all." He says, a soft expression taking over his features.

I breathe out a small sigh, thankful for his surrender. "I know. I'm scared too. But I just need my brother to help me through this, not tell me all of the reasons why I screwed up."

Emmett grins. "Ha, screwed up. Cause you're pregnant."

I raise an eyebrow at him but quickly give in. For a brief second things are normal and I take it all in.

~

We are nearing the first sector border checkpoint and I begin gathering all of our ID's. I am Sarah Taylors – a 24 year old journalist. Noah is Sam – her son. I glance over Emmett's information, making sure I still have it memorized before handing it over to him. Max, 22, current concord in training taking time off to show his journalist friend the updates throughout the sectors. I nod to myself, feeling confident, and slide the documents over to Emmett. His hand brushes my left wrist as he takes them and I gasp in pain.

"Haze! Shit! I'm so sorry. What's wrong? What did I do?" He half whispers half yells.

Noah jolts awake and whimpers. I reach my hand back to let him know I'm okay, ignoring the searing pain for just a moment. "Momma's okay, bud. See?" I say. He pauses, his eyes stuck on mine for an extra second, before reaching for a book. My heart is a mix of love for my son's concern for me and unbearable pain.

The second Noah releases my gaze I bring my wrist to my chest and clench my teeth. Emmett worriedly glances at me, waiting for me to tell him I'm okay. I'm about to when I follow his gaze down at the three burning, black dots imprinted on my wrist.

~

We make it through the first checkpoint with ease. I had assumed we would. From what I've gathered, the Mississippi and Tennessee border is so run down that the staff there don't ask too many questions. It also helps that Emmett can charm just about anyone, I suppose. The next checkpoint is the one that worries me, but I push that thought aside for now.

The burning on my wrist has yet to subside and Emmet won't stop staring at me. He doesn't know the full story – no one does. I never told him and I'm sure he's feeling confused and guilty. I want to comfort him but everything in me screams to remain quiet - my default defense mechanism. But now Liam is gone and I realize that, as of now, Emmett is my only ally.

"Do you want to know what happened? I mean, the real story?" I whisper, watching Emmett as his hands grip the steering wheel.

"You already know the answer to that." He replies, eyes never leaving the road.

I nod, taking a deep breath. He deserves to know. This is the right thing to do.

And so I begin to tell him the details of my childhood.

•••
Hi everyone! I hope you are enjoying these first couple chapters! Chapter three really starts to explain things and chapter four is where they start to pick up so stay tuned! As always, feedback and votes are appreciated!
Thank you
-Aislinn