Enjoy.
Dan's P.O.V
"Again. AGAIN you told me that you loved me. You held me, sang to me, cuddled with me, you fucking LOVED ME!" I screamed. I didn't care what the neighbors thought. They could call the cops for disturbance for all I cared. I would be gone by the time they came.
Phil had lied again. He had cheated again.
And I wasn't prepared for another heartbreak.
"Dan, let me expla-"
"No," I stated firmly. I had my back to my door as he was standing at the opposite end of the couch that was close to me. I was edging closer with my words, though. No matter how loud I sounded, I felt like he wasn't hearing. So I got louder.
"NO, Phil!" I almost yelled to him. He flinched, obviously taken back by my attitude. He had to hear what I had to say, what I had felt since the last time, and the time before that even. Phil had no entitlement to talk right now.
"You gave me all of your attention here, but you gave the same amount, or hell, even MORE, to some BITCH you thought was cheating before and the time BEFORE. Actually, you told me yourself she was cheating, but why would you stay with her then?" I asked, wanting an answer but not right then. Phil seemed to understand this and kept his mouth shut. "I spent the past month, begging and pleading with myself to not bring anything up to question you, but I guess that doesn't matter now, huh? I bet you learned the lesson of not letting the person you're cheating with your house number, hmm?" I asked, a wicked smirk on my lips. I felt scared of myself, of how much I was letting out, but the other part of me didn't care. I wanted to be scary. I wanted him to be frightened of me. I wanted him to feel just how I felt: vulnerable.
"I thought this would be it.." I let out quietly. My voice hurt from the screaming, but that didn't stop me from keeping my face composed and level with the smirk still in place. "But when does that happen, right? I mean, fuck Phil, why even waste your precious time on me when you could be snogging that girl? Hmm? You're too invested with how I'm gullible for your utter bullshit?" I laughed, the sound ringing in the apartment. I glared into Phil's eyes, ignoring the pain in them.
My voice hurt from screaming and trying to keep it level without letting the tears go. I took a deep breath and let it out quietly, my eyes narrowed at Phil. It was his turn to say whatever lies he could sputter out before I could leave. I didn't owe him this much, but I couldn't help myself. You don't just immediately stop loving someone: the pain just gets buried for a bit by ignorance to how fucked you were and are.
"Dan, listen to me...." his voiced wavered, filled with the tears that were threatening to spill. "I love you, okay? I just.. she was sad, and we were talking, and I didn't know how to help, and when she leaned in... I just.... I panicked, Phil, and I'm sorry.." He looked down. Coward, I thought, venom of heartbreak already going through me. "I.." he continued. "I want to still be with you, and I will right now talk to her and tell her we're done, a-and we weren't really started, I promise!" he caught himself, but I knew what was happening. It was the same as last time. Phil wasn't one to make new things.
"Don't waste your fucking time on me.." My voice quivered on this part, and for a moment, just a moment, I let my walls down. I let the pain that was shoved down my throat like an unwanted pill be seen through the glimmer in my eyes. My lips were untouching as my mouth was slightly ajar at the situation. There was no question Phil could see this, as he tried to walk closer and rose a hand, but I countered by also taking a step forward. He stepped back, almost hitting the wall and lowering his hand.
"If you have the fucking audacity to say anything more, go ahead, I'm waiting. But if not, I'm leaving. Gone for good. That's it. So, what will it be Phil? Got anything more?" I beckoned towards me. I wanted him to hit me with all he had, to show his real fight.
But it didn't come.
Phil gave a small shake of the head as his head hung lower than before. I chuckled dryly, my smirk re-appearing, but I let it fall. I couldn't even keep it up anymore.
"Right. Have fun with your 'not girlfriend', Phil. You two DESERVE each other," I spat at him. I couldn't see his expression from his lowered face, but I didn't have to. I said what I had to, and I didn't care if he was happy or if he was shattered. He would never come close to feeling what I felt at this exact moment: embarrassed, used, lied to, and heartbroken all in one.
I turned from him and went to the door, not giving a look back. Instead, I paused at the door, letting one thing I wished I wouldn't have said, but I let it slip regardless.
"I fucking loved you, Phil."
And with that, I was out the door and slammed it shut. Tears began to pool around me as I realized I was now completely, utterly alone.
