Two Is Company

Prisoner of Azkaban and How Shit Just Got Real

Camren's PoV
(The fish, not the ship)

• •

I fucking hate the finger.

I don't miss the finger. (Okay, maybe I miss it just a little bit)

But yeah, I'm definitely mad at the finger.

Here I was, minding my own business, when my pet human decided that I'm a superfish with super gills and that I don't need water to breathe, so what did my pet human with the thick eyebrows do when I was trustingly giving her finger smooches? Oh yeah she catapulted me across her dirty ass dried-up pond she calls a bedroom, and I landed underneath a pile of junk and I thought I was gonna die.

And for a short while I thought of committing fish suicide (coz I was watching that horrible show that gave me thirteen reasons why I shouldn't watch it and I was feeling so dramatic), and so when my crying pet human tried to save me, I decided to flop out of her hands -- twice -- just to spite her and make her feel guilty.

On her third try, I felt bad. She was crying and screaming and her hands were shaking and snot was leaking out of her cute pinkish nose and so I finally let her scoop me up and put me back into my tank.

She's obviously sorry. But I'm too mad, at the moment, to care.

So while she was crying herself to sleep, I hid behind my sunken ship and plants and started reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban just to distract myself from my traumatic experience which was worse than when pet human left me in her cheap rented car to visit skinny fish with the huge ass.

Reading a book is therapeutic. Plus, it sharpens my memory and attention span even more.

Yasss, bish, I have a waterproof fish book edition -- so shut your frothy ass mouth coz I don't care if you don't believe me -- haters gonna hate. And I do know how to read, you bunch of Doubting Thomasses. I can even read you all the way to kingdom come. Don't test me.

So, anyway, the reason I'm even stooping down to your level and grace you with my royal fishy presence is because I'm bored. Being mad at my pet human means having to ignore the finger -- because bitch I do have my pride. I'm traumatized and stressed, and every time she tries to give me the finger, images of myself gasping for breath and flopping helplessly on her dirty floor flash inside my head, and it's so humiliating! I even thought of jumping out of my tank just like what my cousin did (the one with a pet human named Mildred), but I couldn't. My tank is not a stupid fish bowl and I can't just jump out of it.

So, anyway, I have nothing else to do (my pet humans are swimming in their big tank outside the house) so maybe we can just talk about book three to pass the time. As much as I hate your sarcastic scaly asses, I think you guys will do for now. It's not like I have much of a choice.

So far, this is my favorite book out of the three.

Why? Because it transitions from a mere children's books I've seen in books one and two, to something darker, more sirius -- get it? I made a fucking joke, you guys better laugh.

My cod, you guys are so boring!

Anyway, as I was saying, this is where the series stops being child's play; where the characters become more complex; the danger seems more tangible -- in a way that there's a sense of urgency and danger unlike before.