WORD OF HONOR

Chapter 1 The Dilemma

I was six years old when I started to think the whys in life. I was always left at home while mom and dad are very busy with their own business.

Dad is an American tycoon so he has been very busy. He attends meetings all over the world. He has a lot of millionaire friends and most of them are Americans. However, there's this Korean man whom he trust the most. I usually heard his name and met sometime but I can't remember his face nor his name. Dad, don't usually stay at home, he stays in hotels all over the world.

Mom is a Korean singer and actress before she met dad. They met when Dad accidentaly left his passport to mom's baggage. Mom that time is going to America for a concert. Mom's bag is the same like Dad. Being late, mom did not show but hid the passport to her bag.

When mom is going back to Korea, surveillance camera was set and everyone going is being checked until mom went inside the airport. Dad ran to her as if they know each other for so long.

"Hello!"
"And who are you?"
"My passport."
"Ah, passport?"
"Uhuh."
"I throw it in the trash bin."
"What?!"
"Yesterday."

Being angry, Dad hold her wrist so mom shouted, she was then recognized by the netizen and took pictures with them. From that their love story started until they tie the knot two years after and mom was only 23 while dad was 32.

I kept listening to the story of my nurses. That I can even memorize every single detail of my mom and dad's love story. Honestly, my parents are the nurses at home. But not only that, my nurses have different nationalities. Two from France, one American, and one Korean. They sleep at my room before going to sleep and before I woke up, someone is there greeting me right after I open my eyes.

I was enrolled to music lessons, I have a collection of handmade cloak from Paris, I already visited 19 countries at the age of six and I know how to play 6 musical instruments.

For all that I have, it is also when I was six years old when my life completely changed.

I was six years old when my parents passed away. Daddy shot mom at heart then me then himself.

Daddy got bankrupt so he wanted us to die together instead of living with poverty. Daddy thought I would die together with them, nothing did he know---I survived.

I grew up with my aunt and uncle. I was even introduced as their youngest daughter. But life was never easy. My cousins thought I was their favorite so they hated me for that.

It is true that aunt and uncle treated me well, but my cousins considered me as their worst enemy without their knowledge.

I was always hurt by my cousins. I learned to drink my own tears. I learned to console myself. I used to cry secretly. Yet, I pretended I did not feel anything. I used to live as if I don't have heart for pain. Though they hurt me, never did I cry in front of them. I used to be strong as the hardest rock.

I was always loved by my aunt and my uncle. I wished they don't so their daughters wouldn't feel jealous and envy. But it's the contrary, I was treated by them as if I am their real youngest daughter which should not be. They gave the best for me, while they gave what is good for them. I was special and I did not like being treated either way.

We had so many bad memories with my cousins, but there's this remarkable one. I was wearing the shoes aunt and uncle just bought for me when my eldest cousin told me to remove it. Because I was frightened, I did what she told me to do. She then grabbed the shoes and threw it into the fishpond near their house.

I got angry, but I was too angry to talk. I just looked at her bitterly. Then one of my counsins announced that aunt and uncle are coming, so eldest sister just jump into the pond and throw the fault on me.

Eldest cousin don't know how to swim so she almost died before uncle could get her from the water.

Second eldest sister cried loudly, telling aunt and uncle that it was my fault why she got into the water.

Listening to her lies made me kept my mouth and myself to keep silent. I pity myself thinking I could not even defend myself from my cousins' lies. I know uncle was upset, so I decided to keep my head bowed but never utter any single word.

I know uncle would believe his daughter, especially that his eldest almost drowned. I was 14 years old that time. I was helpless. I was powerless. I can't tell and prove them I did nothing. I was alone and I don't know who to cry for help. I just prayed that eldest cousin could recover as soon as possible.

But second eldest sister cried louder and louder. She cried as if she was too hurt. She cried as if I was too cruel on them. She cried as if I was too harsh and bad. I realized she's not crying because of her sister but because of me, she's crying because I got what she owned, she's crying because she's not recognized since I came into their house. She's crying for so long, but only now that she found a reason to cry.

I felt guilty that my cousins need to make lies and need to sacrifice almost a life just to make me bad and to get back the attention of their parents. I felt guilty that because of me, they feel hate in their hearts. I felt guilty that hatred resides into their heart though they were too young to feel hatred. I felt guilty that they have to hate me even they love me the most when I still have my parents.

I was very guilty. I wanted to go, but I don't know where to go. I was confined in a no choice situation- I can't escape, I can't do anything, all I can do is to feel the guilt in my heart and feel it over and over again. And to feel that I am alone.

After that incident, aunt and uncle never confronted me. They acted as if nothing happened. The only thing that changed is being equal to what I have to my cousins. Aunt and uncle worked harder because of providing us our needs.

"Uncle, you don't need to buy me branded shoes. I would be okay if I will use the same brand like my classmates."

"No, it's not okay, your feet will get hurt if you'll wear the shoes you're not used to it.

"But, you worked harder than before, just to buy this shoes and for buying my cousins' shoes."

"Though I work harder, it's okay. I would be okay... what is important is I could let you feel comfortable wearing the shoes I bought for you. It would feel heavier in my part if I would feel guilt because I can't give you the least to make you comfortable."

"It would have been better if Mom and Dad are here," I sighed.

I saw how a tear dropped on uncle's cheek. But he pretended he's not crying so he looked back while talking to me.

I know he's been trying so hard to control his tears from falling so I made an excuse and went back to the yard. I have to give him a time to cry.

I realized that I should not complain or tell anything how hard they are doing to raise me. I realized I have to act as if everything is okay. I realized we are all in pain while living together. We are all suffering while we try to pretend and cover up what is supposed to know and feel. I realized how everyone is sacrificing just to be together. Yes, I realized a lot, a lot that enough to break my heart. But though we are all in pain, we tried our best to live and fight against our personal challenges. But at the same time, I realized how I was cared and loved by my second parents.