player || l.ty

19

after a weekend and two days after the incident, still, nothing has happened. no talk, no approach, no nothing. part of me liked that treatment, part of me doesn't, but every time i think about it i just laugh, why would lee taeyong even bother an explanation or even an apology for a matter that happened to him almost all the time. i sighed.

"you're still down, again." jisung sighed as he sat down in front of me in the cafeteria. i didn't really say what had happened but i bet jisung knew that it was something bad. "it'll be okay, just forget about it, you know? i'm here for you so you have no reason to be sad." he said as he put laid his head on the table so that he could see me eye to eye. "plus, it's the deadline."

i knew it was and i was happy about it. i mean, i could've lost because of what happened but because of what happened after it, i guess i won. i won, but i don't feel like it. i just feel like a stupid idiot that fell right into his trap even if i knew i was falling, i never stopped.

maybe like a mouse and a cheese in the trap.

i hated it, of course, everything about that kiss was something i hated, no, loathed. it was my fault, but i was just messed up at that moment. i just felt a strong connection with him especially after showing me my mother's portrait. it just seemed as if we were... connected somehow.

it's amazing how he knew my mother. jisung never talked about her with anyone unrelated to her. it's amazing that i remember her in him somehow, it's like she's there in him and that's impossible, but that connection never came out of my mind, i've had a million 'what if' but it never really summed up and finding an answer is making me crazy.

my mind was swirling as i tried to fix my thoughts and emotions. i couldn't get that kiss out of my head and all the other feelings that came with it. it was funny how he still remained in my head after so long. maybe he knew something about my mother i thought, but that was highly unlikely. maybe the feeling of my mother in him was bad because i love my mother so much and seeing that in him would just make everything worse.

lee taeyong is just like a poison, a dangerous poison in which i was subjected to taste it. i was cautious at first, knowing what it was, but curiosity compelled me to taste it without knowing what effects it will give. the poison didn't look deadly, it didn't look different. the taste was sweet and it was something i got attracted to. i craved it, i wanted more and i was determined to get what i want, but it made me forget that it was and still is, poison.

i guess curiosity did kill the cat, or in my case, it killed han haeun.