Aqua Terrarium (Nagi No Asukara)

Chapter Twenty-Six

With one last push- the Ojoshi-sama was finally hoisted up to signal the completion of our small endeavor.

The time we spent together during this whole journey felt like mere seconds when we observed our finished product, all of us beaming with wide smiles of relief and contained excitement.

"We did it!" We all simultaneously exclaimed, the first true surge of harmony engulfing us in this shared moment. It felt like the turmoils these past few days were so far away now, a new hope blossoming in us after that long period of unrest.

Even sensei was moved to tears at our effort, offering us popsicles much to everyone's disappointment though. Of course, my eyes remained unmoving at the two figures who looked entranced at the Ojoshi-sama, wondering what their own hearts echoed at this moment.

"I want to do the Ofunehiki." In sync, they both respond, Hikari's tensed expression visible from a side-glance. It didn't help when Sayu ended up initiating the teasing, Manaka practically turning red at the jabs directed at her.

Tsumugu didn't seem to mind, making me wonder what he thought of this. I never really understood his feelings hidden behind those emotionless gazes. He wasn't an open book like me, in fact, he was like a ancient text that required a lot of effort to decipher.

"We'll make it a reality! A real Ofunehiki where both sides can work together." Hikari's words stun us to silence, his determination evident in his actions.

And yet the eyes betray the truth- the desperation and pain in them readable to those who know Hikari well.

Could it be that- this time for sure- he had given up?

Watching his form, eyes that could never lie, I can't help but see myself in him. Carrying his own pain, smiling like he doesn't care. I want to cheer him on, my unlikely ally and yet-

I can't bring myself to do so.

Because I know that it's my selfish part that's speaking to me- telling me that if Manaka ended up with Tsumugu then Hikari would end up with Chisaki and then I-

I hate this feeling. Only I'll end up being the happy one. Yet the devil on my shoulders tells me that I deserve it. For all the sacrifices I've made, don't I deserve to be happy too?

"Aoi?" Kaname must've noticed the pensive look I was giving, the feelings I know he could never see.

Maybe, like Hikari, to stop the pain - should I just give up too?

All this time, I thought that if I tried harder, then maybe I could change something. There was a point that Tsumugu's words had egged me on- letting him in and accepting him into our group brought nothing but a whirlpool of emotions that finally broke from the barrier we set up to protect ourselves.

He spurned me to swim against the current, to actually try for once rather than base on 'what-ifs'. The insecurities and troubles that followed me seemed so much easier to accept after that and yet-

I could never really move forward.

I was trapped even though I had the key to get out.

"Maybe flyers can help? Or we can make a signature campaign. I'm sure that others would want to help too," Some of the students suggested, doing their best to give a solution to get both Cooperatives to agree to do a real Ofunehiki.

I had loads of suggestions to give but my voice refused to speak. Watching Hikari break himself to make Manaka happy made me realize how weak I was compared to him. How he could stand there, without showing even the slightest hurt unless you saw his eyes... Even I could only do so much.