Aqua Terrarium (Nagi No Asukara)

Chapter Thirty

'Why are we leaving?! Why isn't mom and Taka coming with us?' I wailed at my father, my small hands unable to tear away from his firm grip.

I could hear my mother and Taka crying, her voice calling out to me. The slamming of doors echoed loudly in the nearly empty house, my father barely looking at me as he dragged me out.

"Let her go!" I could hear my mother yelling, her voice unrecognizable and sharp it brought tears to my eyes. I had never heard her yell that way, the pain in them- the desperation... It was scary, almost like it would be the last time I saw her.

"She's coming with me, Namiko! We signed the documents so you have no right over her now-,"

"She's only a child! You're scaring her and you call yourself a parent!"

It was at that point that my father had lashed out on her, barely missing Taka by the head. "Mom-!"

Father had harshly pulled me behind him, his eyes a raging storm as he yelled at my mother. "I'm warning you, Namiko!"

"That's right-," I could hear my mother hiss as she cradled Taka close- sheltering him from the man who I once believed would never hurt us. "Everything changed because of her. Even after ten years-,"

"You're no different!" My father spat, the wind picking up as he did so. "I see the way you look at him. I'm not stupid! I don't even know why you chose me when you still loved Shin!"

"It's true, even after all this time- I still had feelings for him but I chose you! I became mature enough to choose you!" My mother retorted back, their back and forth bickering increasing with the growing current.

"I learned to love you and yet why?" Mother wailed, her confession, enough to make my father pause- the storm in his eyes beginning to dim with hurt. "Why couldn't you hold on as well?"

"We never should've blinded ourselves, Namiko." For the first time since early morning, my father's voice had lowered to barely a whisper. "Sometimes, we just can't continue holding on and hurting ourselves."

It was at that moment, that the icy whirlpool came crashing down...

--*--

"Are you sure you're finally alright, Aoi?" My mother hovered behind me, the early morning sunlight kissing our kitchen in a bright warm glow.

It had been a long time since I had that dream, the memory once again as vivid as if it just happened yesterday. My hands still shook everytime I recall it but it wasn't like before. As if somewhere along the line, the memory wasn't as terrifying as before.

Is it because I have grown mature enough to realize why?

"Mom... When father left- he said it was better off letting go," I murmured, my eyes seeing my mother's reflection stiffen from the mirror.

Would she deny it if I said what I remembered? The words father had said before we were swallowed by the current- it carried something that weighed on me deeply. "Is the Shin he spoke of then the same Mr. Shin that we met?"

"We were childhood friends." My mother elaborated after a long pause, surprising me at her sudden willingness to disclose the truth behind why they decided to end it. The truth hidden from Takashi and I after all this time.

"Shin had always wanted to be a doctor since we were kids. That time, I had never really taken my life seriously- always letting the current take me where it decided to go-

That kind of lifestyle... Shin always scolded me for it. We got into a lot of fights and that's when we drifted apart. I could never tell him my feelings. I thought to myself that I didn't deserve to after what I said to him." My mother smiled but it wasn't like her usual ones. These barely reached her eyes- it was almost bitter with a tinge of sadness.

"Did you regret never telling him?" I couldn't help but ask, my heart beginning to hammer erratically in anticipation.

My mother doesn't reply, but rather, she pulls me close to her- her hand patting me gently on the head. "And risk never having you and Takashi? Never. There are just some things that are better off letting go if it means receiving something wonderful from it in the end."

Letting go, huh... Mother's words- is that why even amidst the pain she never showed it? Is that why it was easy for her to choose father amidst her lingering feelings for Mr. Shin?

"Did you ever make up? With Mr. Shin, I mean?" I couldn't help but ask her, the embrace tightening as her body shook ever so slightly.

Even mother had a side to her that she barely showed us. The weakness of her heart that she desperately tries to hide.  In reality, adults are no different than kids when it comes to emotions.

"There's no need to think of those things anymore. Shin and I came to that understanding a long time ago..."

I didn't question her after that anymore.

--*--

"Aoi!" I lifted my head just as I closed our door to see Kaname and Chisaki waving at me from not too far. I adjusted my handbag's sling nervously as I walked to them, conscious at the shortness of my skirt and the cold caress of the water's current on my bare arm.

"I heard from Kaname what happened last night. Should you really be going out so soon?" Chisaki, like my mother, hovered over me worriedly- a small reassuring smile making its way to my lips at her fretting. "I think I'll be fine. I can't leave Tsumugu hanging, after all."

"Are you sure?" Kaname joined in. "If you tell him, I'm sure he'll-,"

"I appreciate the advice, Kaname." I stop him lightly before continuing. "Thank you for always worrying but I think I have to learn to do this on my own soon... Tsumugu and I made a deal and I have to at least honor it."

The conviction in my voice must've surprised them since they were unable to give a reply to my unusual response. After all, both Kaname and Chisaki know that I have no such feelings for Tsumugu and yet why do I contradict myself.

To be honest, I didn't have the courage at first to do this. Add to the incident last night, I thought I would be unable to leave the house just like those times I relived the memory in my dreams when I was young.

I was ready to tell my mother that during breakfast but the dream I had- and then her confession... It only made me realize the effects that could happen if I ran away. I wasn't as strong as my mother. If I were in her shoes, I would obviously live with regrets. That's why I had to see Tsumugu. To finally put an end to this, to finally move forward without always fleeing at the last moment.

I won't let the past repeat itself. If no one will make a move- then I will be the first.