1986 [harry styles au]

XXI. FRIENDSHIP

CHAPTER XXI. FRIENDSHIP
It was hard to believe that this time last week, Harry and I were merely friends, and now here we were sharing an intimate moment. But this time last week, we had other matters to think about; like Nico. Nico. It suddenly hit me that I shouldn't have been kissing Harry so soon after losing him, and it felt beyond disrespectful. My mind began to spiral, the room around the two of us beginning to spin, and I knew the only way to stop the spiralling was to disconnect from Harry's lips. I detached from Harry within seconds, sitting up and causing him to fall slightly aside onto the bed.

'Are you okay?' He asks, breathless and still recovering from such a heavy kiss.

'We shouldn't be doing this.' I say, moving to the side of the bed and placing my feet on the floor. 'Nico has just died, and here I am kissing somebody else.'

I look to Harry, his expression changing from lustful to frustrated in seconds. 'Just somebody else?'

'You know what I mean, Harry.'

'I don't think I do. You said you felt the same way, that's what you told me before we kissed.'

'I just nodded.' Is all I mutter, and he instantly stands up from the bed with a huff.

'So you don't like me back?' His voice cracks slightly at the final word.

There's silence in the room for a few seconds, and I feel my heart being to race.

'It just isn't right, Harry.' I shake my head but even I can't figure out, deep down, why this isn't right and why I can't be happy with Harry. 'Lana likes you, it's wrong for me to be doing this.'

'How many times do I have to tell you that I don't like her?' He says, beginning to pace and running his hands through his hair. 'Stop thinking about others - please, just for once in your life, do something for yourself. I know you want this, Andy.'

Something inside of me snaps and I feel the alcohol take a hold of my confidence. I stand up abruptly before him. 'How you do you know what I want? Why does everybody seem to know what I want?'

He searches my eyes with confusion, before swiftly stepping closer and touching his lips against my own again. I almost melt into his kiss once more as his hands fly up to my cheeks, the desire behind his embrace easy to recognise. A small whimper escapes my lips as I pull myself away, and watch as Harry looks hurt with my actions.

'I can't do this.' I say, travelling to the door and swinging it open. My feet take me to the top of the staircase, I breathe a deep sigh before beginning to step down the steps. Suddenly, Harry escapes his room and joins me at the top of the staircase.

'Andy, listen to me. What is it you want? What is it that you want from me?' He looked like an innocent child being told that his parents were divorcing. It took everything from within me to stop myself from jumping at him and holding him for as long as I could. I knew I could have done it, it didn't mean that I should. Nico had only been dead for a week and I still hadn't recovered from everything that had happened; my mind still hadn't comprehended the events of my time in Bridgemont Valley. Of course, I wanted Harry. He meant a lot to me now, and I wanted nothing more than to spend the entirety of my time with him, but I was torn.

The pause seems to last forever as his eyes desperately scan my face. I find his stare and feel my own eyes begin to tear up. 'I want to be friends.'

It takes some time for it to register in his mind that I had declined, and he peers to the ground with frustration. An enormous sigh escapes his lips before he begins to walk down the steps, pushing past me. 'See you around, Adriana.'

His words hit my heart like a knife as he leaves the upstairs hallway, and I felt as though I had just shot myself in the foot. I wander down the stairs behind him, he turns into the living room but I continue into the kitchen, making another drink. The drink had vanished within three gulps, before another one had the same fate. I am in the middle of pouring another, when I'm joined by Kian.

'Woah, slow down there. You won't even make it to 2am if you drink at that rate.' He states, before leaning against the kitchen island. His hair looked ruffled, his chocolate eyes shining playfully, and I found myself grin slightly. 'Bad day?'

I peer up to his stare and find him genuinely concerned. I just nod and he looks down to the counter. 'You dropped your notebook in school today, I found it in the corridor.'

An odd look flashes across his face, which disappears in seconds, before he peers back to my eyes. 'Oh, really. I hadn't noticed.'

'I'll give it back to you when I next see you.'

'Thanks, Adriana.' I soon hear his name being shouted from the hallway and he steps away from the counter, retrieving his drink. 'I'll see you later.'

'Bye.' I say before drinking the next cup, beginning to feel lightheaded as I return it to the counter. My hands hold the counter-top to stay balanced, my eyes watching the crowd and searching.

It takes merely seconds for my eyes to find Harry, laughing and joking with a group of male students like nothing had happened. I watch him as his mouth extends into a wide smile, and a look of amusement floods his face. His hands now clutch a red cup like mine, taking sips from it occasionally and slightly cringing at the strong taste. I find myself admiring him whilst simultaneously wondering why I let him go. It hits me that I had the opportunity to feel real love for the first time in my life, but I had blew it, and instead, here I was alone in his kitchen. To distract myself, I begin to pour another drink and vow that this will be my last. However, once I had returned the vodka bottle to the countertop, I notice him saunter past towards the garden doors; his eyes finding mine before quickly diverting elsewhere like a man on a mission. He soon disappears past the doors and joins the small crowd situated outside. There's a knot in my stomach as I sip my last drink.

Maybe it wasn't a bad idea after all. Here was a boy, way out of my league, caring about me. He actually liked me. Fuck everybody else who was against us seeking a relationship, I could do what I wanted to do; Harry was right about that. He was right about a lot of things lately. I worried about whether this was just the alcohol talking, as I threw the empty cup into the trash and began stepping to the double doors of the kitchen.

I take a deep breath as I approach them, my hand swiftly clutching the handle and pushing downwards. The cool air of the outdoors hits me, before the warmness of his patio heater, as I finally leave the kitchen and spontaneously enter the garden.

The spontaneousness escapes my being, however, when I actually find Harry. He was seated on one of the garden chairs, with Lana perched over his lap like she had been on my first night at Harry's party. My eyes widen as they scan upwards, my jaw dropping as I watch Harry with his lips against Lana's. His hand was against her cheek, like it was on mine merely moments ago, but the other was holding his drink. A gasp falls from me as I try to comprehend what I was seeing.