boo | e.d

1

1 | fine without me

song: losin control - russ

☼

-ETHANS POV-

just as he leaves

My head felt dizzy whilst my chest physically hurt. It hurt so bad as if to tell me my heart was breaking inside while my lungs tried their best to let me fucking breathe. But I couldn't.

My bottom lip was trembling whilst my entire mouth was left agape, opening and shutting continuously as I had nothing to say. Cutting in between I had sobs leaving my lips, everything around me was spinning and I felt utterly broken.

There was this ringing sound in my ears, cutting me out from the cries which made my chest rise.

Too many emotions were piling up on me and I couldn't take it. But that's what made it worse, knowing that I couldn't take it and that I was crying and breaking down. I hated to know I was crying.

Two large hands grip my shoulders, but my vision was too blurred from the tears spilling out that I didn't know what to do.

All I had to do was maturely and calmly tell her what happened. But she made it so fucking hard to even be in the same room as her.

Her words and the expression painted on her face as she glared at me made this different kind of pain attack every part of my body. Physically and mentally I was not okay.

"Ethan!" Graysons voice roared, the ringing suddenly taking a halt.

"i-i can't"

Finally, sounds of words forming actually came out of my mouth. But they were all over the place as I stuttered; head still spinning.

"What are you doing?!" He spoke loudly, both his hands still gripping hard on my shoulders. I was taken a back by his words, my eyebrows beginning to narrow as I glared at him.

"What am I doing?!" I was able to form the sentence, the sobs not cutting rudely in-between. My head was aching whilst my chest was tightening in a way i knew my heart was clenching over how hurt i felt.

Instead of being all over the place, i took a deep breath, taking in the fact to focus on one emotion. And right now, i was utterly pissed.

"Leaving!" My voice didn't crack once, yelling the word as if to signal how simple it was.

Graysons head shakes while i see Scott slowly appear from behind. "Ethan no-"

My eyes clench shut tightly while i raise my finer; pointing at him. My teeth bit onto my bottom lip before glaring at him. "She hates me!" Both arms fail out, bending down as my knees bucked.

"You did nothing wrong!" Grayson argues, a scoff leaving my lips.

"Nice that someone knows." My eyebrows perk upwards for a short second, trying to be absolutely pissed while all the sadness and hurt seeped inside my skin. It actually physically messed with me so hard that i had decided right now, i had never felt so much pain before.

Not only was my brain killing me with the thoughts and emotions that tortured me, but it hurt so bad in my head, that my heart couldn't deal with it either. My lungs were tightening, creating the disability in breathing. I felt so utterly weak.

I felt helpless and it was disgusting.

"Go in there and-" Graysons hands softly place themselves on my shoulders as i inhaled sharply continuously. His soothing voice tried reaching me, but i was just over it all. I needed to breathe.