Persistence

IX

For some reason I got to school early the following Monday. Ever since I hung out with Cassidy on Friday, I was eager to see her again and open any new doors she unlocked for me.

Not long after I took my seat, she came into the room. When her eyes met mine a bright expression took over her face. "Lucas," she cheered. "Good morning!"

"Good morning," I said with a soft laugh. I watched as Cassidy made her way to her seat behind me. I turned around to see her hovering above her desk, digging through her book bag.

"I hope you know I was serious when I told you about Danny's notes," she said. Cassidy pulled out a big stack of notebooks and workbooks. I took them from her as she handed them to me. "Some workbooks are done, others are unfinished," she explained. "Danny always had good handwriting so you should be able to read his notes fairly easily!"

I placed the stack of books on my desk and picked up the spiral on top. I flipped through a couple of pages, scanning over the notes lightly. I caught a few collegiate words in the lists as well as some stories. "Thank you," I said. I looked at Cassidy to see her smiling as I briefly read through the notes. "I really appreciate it."

She smiled as she sat in her chair. "Hopefully this helps you figure things out!"

-

In the time between getting home from school and dinner I had read three chapters of Danny's notes. Human studies seemed intriguing, but school subjects always seem fun in the beginning. Among the notes I also got to read stories about Cassidy. It seemed as if Danny had used his notebooks to take notes in class and also to write down memories he wouldn't want to forget.

"As a big brother, it is your job to protect your little sister from anyone or anything that could bring her any harm or sadness. Today I broke the big brother code. I asked Cassidy what she thought about my joining the army. At first it was cute, the way she treated the whole thing like a joke.

For an eight-year-old, she's extremely smart. She picked up the fact that I was being sincere with her and broke down. 'Why would you want to leave us?' she had asked. 'I know you're unhappy but dying isn't going to help.'

Throughout the years I've realized having a naive, younger sibling works just as well as a therapist. They will help you see things in a different perspective.

I told her that I wanted to join because I felt like I needed to be doing more. Cassidy suggested I become a firefighter or a policeman. We ended up making a deal - I'd sleep on the idea for a year before making a final decision."

The ink on the paper had some smudges on it, but it was still legible. The smudges appeared to have been where a tear once fell sometime ago when the memories were revisited.

Having read the entry and knowing what happened to Danny sent chills down my spine. I was reading a ghost's journal and looking back on the life he lived. I had skipped dinner and laid in bed for the hours that passed before bed. I felt intrusive going through Danny and Cassidy's memories, but Cassidy did hint at reading his non-scholar notes. I debated with myself whether or not to continue reading, but then again I wanted to learn about Human Development Studies.

My mind was filled with wonder and sadness as I tried to sleep that night. My attempts failed and before I could close my eyes to try to get some sort of sleep before school, my alarm went off.