Stay a while | Phan

twenty two

Phil steps up to the door, breath basting in his lungs and blood boiling with anticipation as he stands there, still, for a moment. He brings his arm up to knock, but finds an intangible force, a rope pulling him back, a voice saying to quit while he's ahead. The last time he saw Dan, Dan had kissed him. The last time he saw Dan, he had kissed him back. And the last time he saw him, he pushed him away and out of the door in anger. Guilt floods his cosmic flow as a Being in this universe, he thinks back to that moment, when something so raw and so pure convulsed through him at the meer touch of Dan's lips. He also thinks back to when he saw Charlie, and seeing Dan so frightened of what he did, like a puppy cowering away from the thunder. When did their relationship become such a storm?

Phil washes all the musings of his mad mind away and brings his fist to the door three times, in a steady rhythm. Its a matter of seconds before Dan answers the door, a few more when he is being dragged inside and enveloped in a hug so desperate, so necessary, he feels the flickers of the dying embers from the flame of Dan's heart, instantly. He hugs back, of course he does. His arms around the boy is like coming home. God, in all his anger, his frustrations, he forgot how much he cared for his best friend. What time wasted being pettily angry for the most mundane reason. He almost feels a burning desire to conjour up a time bending reality machine so he could go back and instill some rationality into his 3 days younger self.

He doesn't know how long they stand there in the hallway, embracing each other so intimately, more so than they've shared before, but by the time Phil's back starts to ache from hunching over slightly to perfectly fit with the boys slightly lower height, he knows it's been a while. He ever so gently, peels Dan from his limbs, against all his protestations, and graces his head upwards so Phil can peer into Dans brown wondrous eyes.

"Dan..." He breathes, barely escaping his lips with a sound.

Dan could feel that small gust of air from the lips that have been plaguing his mind with distress and want for days now, swift over his face like a wave of something biblical and pure. He feels himself losing resolve at how much he just wants to be near this person, but at the same time, the urge to recoil and shy away from this terrifying venture grows inconsolable. There is such a war going on within Dan that all he can do in the end is bury his head against Phil's broad and safe chest.

"I missed you" is all he can muster up the energy to say, especially after so long down in the ditch of his own turmoil.

He feels Phil's hand come up to stroke his hair, as his feet are being guided backwards by Phil's subtle push. He comes to a startling stop when his legs hit the edge of the sofa. They both sit down, Phil taking all of Dan's weight onto him as he leans back, hand keeping up it's task of making Dan's scalp feel like it's being washed in a heavenly grace.

"Dan, tell me what's wrong? Why did you call me over?"

Dan tenses up, and all feeling of relaxation he experiences currently in the one place he wants to be, disappears. He suddenly feels his heart lurch into his throat, wind pipe staggered from breathing and tear ducts somehow forced to sting and sear with the all consuming pit in his stomach telling Dan not to speak. He can't say. He won't.

"Dan. We can't just got on pretending like nothing happened. Pretending like you didnt kiss me. Just tell me what's going on and we can work to fix it"

"Phil- no. I can't. Its- it's not What you think! I was drunk and being stupid and im really sorry I won't do it again. Just please don't tell anyone. Dont tell Charlie. I dont want anyone to hate me. Please don't hate me."