Sometimes

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Sometimes I stop.

Stop texting everybody, calling, etc...

Sometimes I do this cause I want to see if anybody will notice.

Do they care?
Did it bother them?
Did they got worried?
Did they texted first instead?
Or they didn't  bother at all?

Sometimes it makes me feel sad, angry, unloved, like I were a burden, like nobody cares, like worthless piece of shit.

Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all

I'm used to it, I'm used to it all.

I am the one that worries,

The one that looks for others,

The one who always is there for others.

Sometimes when I do this some thoughts consume my mind.

A list perhaps might give you an idea, but I'll just leave a few;

You are worthless
Nobody cares
You are not important enough
You are not worth their time
There's no one there for you
You are alone

These are some of them, but oh trust me the list goes on, sometimes even with harsher words.

Sometimes I could be hours, days, weeks, months and even years without talking to some of them, and realize that some of this thoughts are actually right.

Sometimes there is someone who does text and I am filled with happiness, and some of the tears that were about to rolls stop their course.

From time to time, I do this and see what is like, to open my eyes and realize, that I am not worth their time.

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