Anxiety. [LT AU] I

» 01.

louis tomlinson. in the eyes of his widowed mother, he is her world, her universe. every hour of every day is mainly spent thinking about louis, worrying about louis, or actually looking after louis. what can she do? with a father who left the two of them alone when lou was at the age of three years old and then passed away, louis has relied only on his mother to support him through life. 

he gets scared, paranoid of little things in life believing that every stranger is out of hurt him. which is most definitely not true. his therapist can't help him, as he doesn't trust her enough. she just gave up on him, it was a waste of £5.50 for ms joanna tomlinson.  

every night louis is thinking to himself, staring up at the ceiling about talking to this one person who doesn't frighten him as much as the rest of the nine hundred students in the school. her name is ashleigh mckenzie and she is beautiful in louis' eyes. if only the fear of people and their words would not exist for louis, he would do everything in his power to make her be his. seriously meaning everything. 

this is the story that describes when he first meets her to the very last time he meets her. 

***

"lou darling, it's time to go to school! c'mon, it's your first day back; you don't want to be late, do you?" my mother called me from downstairs while i was lying down on my bed thinking to myself why was i so weirdly abnormal. sure there are many people who have this mental disorder, but no one i know does that that makes me weirdly abnormal - and i don't like it.

i don't understand my mother sometimes. there are times when she wants me to go to school and then she's all overly energetic and excited about it, then there are other times when she is just like forbidding me to go to school because she doesn't want me to suffer. i don't even mind the second one to be honest. i'm all for it. 

should i stay in bed and ignore her shouts because soon enough she'll give up and let me sleep for the ret of the day, or should i torture myself into going to hell for another dreadful year. thankfully my last year, but then i will be going to college and there will be for my benefit... more strangers. G R E A T. i mean seriously, what is this? try and mentally destroy louis tomlinson by making him suffer so much to the point he wants to stab his heart with millions of forks? 

i had to listen to my head rather then my heart now, and i was finding myself trudging down the stairs without a smile on my face. i don't have anything to smile about.

+

"hi hunnie. how did you sleep?" she asks me the same damn question every morning and it'll always be the same lie so why does she ask it? she can hear me crying, she can hear me screaming, punching things yet she asks that same question everyday. 

"fine." shoving a toast down my throat, it showed the end of discussion. i was done talking with her. 

+