anti-depressants || ashton [au]

⇉ 0.4

(un)edited

☆

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0.4

annie always attempted to sleep and it would always pay off for a one hour of sleep in return. so when annie woke up from getting in late last night she didn't attempt to sleep anymore. all she did was walk in the bathroom stare at the mirror time to time as she did her regular morning routine.

☛ brush her teeth

☛ take a shower

☛ get dressed

☛ think of another way to commit suicide to add to 'the list'

after annie finished her morning routine the list grew one more member of ways to commit suicide and annie had one more thing apart of her. annie walks downstairs and into the kitchen to see jen with a grin placed on her face.

jen had woken up with that grin as well, she was just happy to get rid of the sadly sickening thoughts that consumed her daughter. jen didn't like the idea of not having a punching bag for her words for her daughter. she wanted to even more now since annie's brother was gone off to college and annie's father was gone with constant work. so the doctor giving her a higher dose of pills give her the chance to do so without annie wanting to harm herself or worse commit suicide. all jen wanted was to let out her anger at annie for ruining her life. and those pills are giving her the chance to do so.

jen passed annie a plate with little breakfast, water, and a napkin holding two pills. those two pills were a nightmare for annie and a dream for jen. annie slowly sat down as jen watched her, annie spooned a small amount of cornmeal in her mouth and jen watched. this continued until there was none left. annie took a sip of water hating the taste of it, bland. annie took the white pills she dreaded and tilted her head back placing the pills on her tongue. annie quickly took a giant gulp of water not wanting to feel the pills on her tongue or as it washed away down her throat.

soon, but slowly annie felt the list disappear from mind until the last one like a bad eraser instead of disappearing it just blurred it. she felt as if her mind was a computer and shut down when there is a problem was placed. tears welled up in annie's eyes. she couldn't help but feel pain in everyway; mental, emotional, and physical pain that the only thing she had was gone. annie glared at jen, hating her more for this but all jen did was carry a smile.

annie ran to her room upset. she sat on her bed. annie tried to focus, her thoughts were scattered trying to grasp the little happy memories she had and remind her of that. she hated it, it reminded her of a drunk person put into a blurred haze causing them to feel a false feeling as to what they really are. that was how she feeling except she was on pills telling her to be happy. she didn't need a pill to tell her to be happy she needed a person to tell her to be happy, to tell her that thing will be okay eventually. instead of her constantly reminding herself that.

annie wanted to focus maybe the the last blurred one on her list would unblur itself if she focused on it. but her scattered thoughts got the best of her and told her to go to the park she went to yesterday, she was her happiest there yesterday. so annie grabbed her notebook with her writing along with a pen and she snuck out the window on her way to the park.

when she got there she sat in front of the swing and wrote a title to what is a poem

anti-depressants

But then she changed the title to

depressants

because she realized they only put her in a false haze of happiness not allowing her to think the way she wants, which makes her sad so it is 'depressants' instead.