Punch Drunk Kiss (Ryden)

.10.

"Why do I keep kissing boys like it's normal?"

I raced home with Spencer as quick as I could because I couldn't wait to get home where it was only my little brother and my own idiotic thoughts.

Spencer did his normal thing of grabbing a snack from the fridge and pretending to do his homework for around five minutes before he eventually breaks and does it while I toss things up a little. I made a B-line for our bedroom, quickly closed the door behind me once I walked in, and sat against it to think.

I'm not gay. Right?

Yeah. I mean. I'm just not the asshole straight guy archetype.

Football bores me to tears, there, I said it. I'll expect the death threats and swirlies at your earliest convenience.

Ryan's just this.. Fascinating dude who I've kissed before.

My soft groan was muffled because my face was pressed against my knees. I'm losing it and it's not as fun as I thought it would be, "This is crazy.." I was completely right. This was completely batshit.

I didn't force myself to like Sarah, it just happened. For a long time. For a very pathetic, long time..

I feel like if I were gay, I'd be the first one to know, right?

And wouldn't this whole thought process have happened a little bit earlier? Like with Spencer, he's ten and he already knows he likes boys. He doesn't hate girls or think they have cooties or whatever, he just.. Likes boys. And he struggles so much with it because he wants nothing more than to just be like everyone else. The kids at school don't help at all. All the bullying and name calling and all the other stuff he won't talk to me about. He's in fourth grade and he's already going through so much. I can't tell him it gets any better, but I also don't know all the answers. Chances are we'll go to the same middle school and high school and he'll be around these people for seven, eight more years of his life and nothing will change. They'll get older, but they won't grow up.

Huh.

It's sad, y'know.

I'm not even gay and Spencer and I have had pretty similar experiences.

"Hey, Brendon?" A soft voice and even softer knocks pulled me out my own head and back to my harsh reality. Hey, Spence, "Could I come in for a sec? I've gotta get my ruler for my homework."

Oh, yeah. I'm leaning against the door and he's much smaller than me..

"Sure," I simply got up and slinked over to my bed as the door slowly opened as soon as I got up. Spencer, with a Capri Sun in hand, nonchalantly made his way over to his dresser. The top of it had various school supplies strewn across it, most of which Spencer kept at home for homework and the little projects he has to do for school. Markers, pens, construction paper, the works. It's a cute little setup, I can't deny the obvious.

He paused before he reached the door with his ruler between his fingers as he shot a curious look my way, "You.. Don't have homework?"

"A bit," I didn't meet his eyes quite yet, I only glanced in his direction before I slipped my phone out my pocket to check my notifications. Couple texts. Hm.. "Nothing that'll take me too long."

"Okay.." Spencer nearly whispered as he slipped out of the room to go work on homework. Now, usually he's a lot nosier than that, and I would definitely press on it a bit later. Definitely.

For now..

sarah🐝: lol what's up?

beeboy: nm really just teenage sulking