// Unoriginal Musical One Shots™ //

// I Have Them Nightly // TBoM

(I'm not sure if this could "trigger" someone but I want to warn that this is about staying in the closet and suppressing your true sexual preferences)

My name is Connor McKinley or Elder McKinley as some people call me, and I have nightly hell dreams.

Hell dreams are sort-of like nightmares. The difference between the two is that hell dreams tend to be more realistic and use your real life imperfections against you.

Nightmares have monsters, spiders and whatever. Hell dreams show your fears and sins like breaking the rules against God.

Clearly, I'm veeeeery lucky.

I first got these dreams after what I like to call the "Steve Blade Incident", ever since then I got these hell dreams for nearly the rest of my life.

I thought the trick to finally losing those darn dreams is just turning it off so I did that, but I was absolutely wrong.

I still had them, but why?

That question was always in my mind.

In high school, I pretended to be like everyone else for the sake of getting my own planet.

I was supposed to not make the dinner, don't be a patsy and win at chess. And of course, love the ladies.

I didn't like that.

I was apparently wrong and stupid to dislike that, says my hell dreams.

This "turn it off" thing sort-of drove me crazy and became harder when I went on my mission in Uganda, mainly because I was surrounded by cute Mormon boys.

But one of them stood out the most, and oh boy he made my hell dreams crazier, interesting and even worse.

The hell dreams became more aggressive to the point where even Jesus called me a dick. I was convinced that I truly was an awful person.

But the same Mormon from before taught me something at the end, that none of us will be perfect even if we tried but that's okay because that's what makes us who we truly are.

He told me it was alright to be gay.

He told me the reason why we have hell dreams is because of the way we think of ourselves, and he was right.

If I stop suppressing my true feelings, become who I truly am and believe that nothing's wrong with me I'll lose these dreams.

In that night, I learned that hell dreams doesn't show your imperfections but shows what you THINK are your imperfections.

I learned that being gay wasn't the sin; not accepting yourself was the real one that the hell dreams didn't show.

I had them because I turned them off.

I didn't anymore.

Hell dreams show you what you think are your sins, but it doesn't show you the real one.

On the same night, I finally had a good night's sleep.

A/N: eek could have been better. This is sort of my own interpretation of the hell dream, so yea. My first one shot on this book had be pretty angsty fml. I'll gET BETTER I PROMISE.