Sorry for the late updates. They are probably gonna continue being late. But here's what's been crossing my mind lately. Ima probably start crying writing this. Sooooo. Yeah let's just get this over with....
People always ask me how I'm doing...And I guess I don't have the guts to lie anymore.. I haven't been okay in the longest time.. Life's been really hard on me lately.. I try so hard for people that don't give a shit about me. Not wanting to breathe has crossed my mind. I mean. I don't get why. I have friends. I have a family that wants me here most of the time. But then again. " it's your fault you were born." Still lingers in the back of my mind. And wait. Notice that wasn't me opening up. This is me explaining things that run through my head every day. But Ok... I'll open up... Thoughts of killing myself are in the back of my mind everyday. Thoughts and feeling like I'm not good enough to be here, like nobody wants me here. I wish they would all just go away. I'm scared of a lot of things. I don't trust very many people. I have massive trust issues. Because anytime I've ever trusted anybody with anything. That person turned around and broke that trust. I lost my V-card on May 12th. 2018. To this guy I thought i could've trusted. I've known him forever. But he hasn't talked to me since May 14th. It's now May 21st. And it hurts like a bitch. Wanting to break down and cry every time somebody mentions his name sucks. My mom being the alcoholic she is doesn't help either. My dad wouldn't even care. I told my aunt after it happened. And after all that I'm just hoping I'm not pregnant..... I'm beyond scared right now. Not having or trusting anybody to talk about it sucks. But hey... It's my fault for ruining my own life right ? Whoops. I don't do anything right now do I.....
Sincerely Adrianna.
(So I'll be back 100% of the time whenever I find out what's going on. For now I'll be here and there. But I love you guys❤️) (yes ik there aren't very many people reading my books but if you do again. Iloveyou)
(Just know if any of you are ever going through something like this I will always have my inbox open to anybody. So if you need to talk I'm 100% here)
